Category Archives: Conspiracy Theories

Air Force One’s Expandable First Lady Michelle Obama Toilet

You know that on the Giraffopia blog we write about the most important stuff known to mankind.  Today, is noThe butt is huge... exception.  In the past, we have written about the detailed analysis of the large butt of first lady Michelle Obama.  Click on this link to see this popular post from a few years ago, when we broke this news wide open with our undercover giraffe reporters.

Today, however, we have some unique insight into the magnitude of this subject.  Recently some photos have emerged from the inside of Air Force One, the presidential airplane.  Rumor has it that a special toilet was installed to accommodate a certain rear-endowed first lady.  Below is an exclusive photo of this magnificent invention called the ‘Expandable First Lady Toilet’:

Expandable toilet

Is this just another conspiracy theory or are we witnessing something huge?  Is this a myth, or a fantasy that has circulated the viral airwaves of the internet world?  Are these side wings, like the special fins on the stealth bomber uniquely designed for that first lady expansion?  Are there reinforcements yet to be seen?  Should this give a new definition to the ‘friendly skies’ and does Air Force One now require a counter weight on the other side of the plane to compensate for… well you know?  Are things more out of balance than they seem?

Not one to dwell on controversy, but it does invoke some very interesting questions.  Perhaps there is more to this Obama re-election thing that remains to be seem.  I mean, like the Hubble Telescope, this was probably years in development and certainly once tax payer dollars are spent on such a huge undertaking, one wants to see it in use.  Right?  I mean it probably was a massive project!  However the flush hole does seem small, so perhaps this is some new suction technology involved here?  Could be a deep subject to explore in later blog posts.  However the expandable winged sides, make sense…

Michelle_Obama_ass

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Camels and Reindeer Have Been Used Throughout History in Place of the Noble Giraffe!

I want to bring to light a disturbing revelation that has been brought forth by the research department at the GLF headquarters.

Camels and Reindeer have been used throughout history in place of the noble Giraffe!

Jesus rode a giraffe, but the Hebrews removed it from the bible out of jealousy!

It seems now defunct sandlot organizations of bleeding heart Camel supporters feigning ‘equality’ for humped animals covertly altered the biblical texts of history by inserting the ‘Camel’ as the transport of the three wise men, in place of the Giraffe, who were the true carriers of nobility in those days! Alas, the true comes out! Kings and Queens of old would not have been caught dead on a Camel! The Giraffe was the transport of choice due to our unique reticulated and aesthetically appealing appearance!

Another myth that has come to light is that of Reindeers transporting Santa Claus! A complete lie! Imagine Reindeers pulling Santa’s sleigh! Absurd! The truth is that Giraffes pulled Santa’s sleigh! Indeed! It is true! Reindeer are too easily distracted by their own horns, Santa would never get anything done! Santa knew instinctively that Giraffes were superior, and single minded of purpose! The original Giraffes that carried his sleigh were among our most noble ancestors!

Their names have been closeted into the darks shadows of history due to a conspiracy of drunken elves with neo-fascist purposes to replace our kind with that of mindless animals so as to bring more attention on themselves! Well, I am here to say it did not work! The truth is now out!

GIRAFFES ARE NOT HUMPED OR IRREVERENTLY HORNED MINDLESS ANIMALS THAT CAN BE TRICKED INTO BEING LOST TO HISTORY! WE HAVE A RICH HISTORY! THUS WE HAVE FORMED THE GLF TO UNITE US IN OUR CAUSE! WE WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY LONGER BEING SUBSTITUTED IN THE ARCHIVES OF HISTORY BY MASQUERADING CHARLATANS!


To sensitive for Facebook? Or an unpleasant reminder of a competitor?

You know just today I logged into my Facebook account to find a warning posted that I had a photo removed from my

Inquiring minds want to know...

 profile page that was reported to FB as offensive.  I admit I am a sometimes gross and disturbed Giraffe, and I perhaps lack the proper taste in my humor.  However, after much mulling over this troublesome experience all day, I returned to examine the photo, which I am presenting here for your review.  It shows a young girl trying to be a bimbo, and take a sexy photo of herself in the bathroom. 

The trouble is that she left an unflushed turd in the toilet and it is captured in the background of the photo.  Now, this

The offensive photo!

 conjures up some thought on this.  One is that it conveys a girl that snuck into the bathroom and was taking this photo in secret so her parents would not find out, and to keep her cover, she pooped and did not flush so she could not be expected to leave the bathroom and make it available for others.  This gives her time to pose, and snap a few different angles that she liked, etc.  However, she was so enamored with her own bra and panties, that she overlooked the yule log floating in the commode.

Okay, so I see this photo and I think all of these things and I post it on my FB page, deciding I would share the stupid moment with my friends.  Only I am now led to believe that someone found it offensive, and thus it was removed from my profile page and I was spanked essentially and threatened with losing my FB account. 

Then if occured to me!  This photo has more to it!  It makes mention of ‘My Space’ and that is a known competitor to Facebook!  Ah-ha!  The plot thickens!  So is this photo really sensitive material, or is FB just sensitive about the very mention of ‘My Space’ on their pages?  Hmmm…

I leave you to ponder this question, and reveal to me what you think!


Is your butt so sexy that you feel you need to share it with the world?

Is your butt so sexy that you feel the need to share it with the world? I mean, do you pack it in tight spandex or sweat pants and parade it around in public, like say Wal-Mart?

Is your butt all mushy and icky?

So you have to put a label on it like this lady, so that everyone will understand? What is it with humans and their desire to parade around with a big butt? Is the couch really that comfortable that you need to make it a life long goal to mush it all up and make it baggy and saggy?

I wanna know, because I am a skinny little Giraffe, and to me, it is something that concerns me. I mean, if one of those huge butts ever sat on me, the crack might save me, but… well you know… it is kind of uncomfortable to consider it!

Is this really sexy or what?

Big butts are something that every smaller animal needs to be concerned with, and thus I avoid couches entirely. In doing so, I do not watch TV either, so as not to risk an encounter with a big butt sandwich situation. However, when I see one wiggling around in public, I think to myself ‘What is it with the big butt thing?’ I mean, it is really that sexy?

Big butts seem to me to be a troublesome byproduct of too much eating, and relaxation.  However, it could be a contest of some secret society that I am not clued into yet.  Not given the conspiracy thing on this much thought… Anyway, it seems like it is trending in America to have a massive backend, or am I missing something?

Let me know what you think by commenting on this blog.  Is your butt so sexy that you feel you need to share it with the world?

I gotta wonder on the development of this trend...


Do Chickens Have Hairy Butts?

I want to pose the question, DO CHICKENS HAVE HAIRY BUTTS?  Am I being rude by suggesting such an idea?  Well explain the hair I found on my egg this morning, before I cracked it open!  Yes hair!  Not curly, or bristle like hair

See the hair on this egg! It is chicken butt hair! Not feathers!

either.  Long fluffy hair, as one would expect a hairy butt chicken to have. 

I do not particularily mind this development, but why is everyone calling them ‘feathers’ when it is most obviously hair.  Thus, one could pose the question, are chickens really birds at all?  You want to know why no one wants to answer that one?!!!  It is because they would have to admit that chickens are hairy mammals! 

And if eggs are coming out of their butt, and they are mammals, guess what that makes an egg?  You guessed right!  Poop!  So why don’t we cut all the propaganda and get right to the point!  Chickens are hairy mammals that excrete a poop that everyone has convinced themselves they should eat, and that it is somehow pleasant! 

See the two hairs that form a 'V' shape on the exterior of my egg. Yes. Conclusive evidence of hairy butt chickens.

I know this is a deep thought for many, but I am here to explore the very edge of existence.  We have been fools for too long!  The evidence is in the hairs!  Their feathers are compressed hairs!  Deal with it!  Confront what it is!  Eggs are mammal excreta in disguise, and a whole industry is built around it!  Chickens have hairy butts!

So be not frightened by this revelation!  Learn from it!  shave your chickens if you must still eat eggs, but at least go into the experience with your eyes wide open! 

If any chickens with hairy butts have been offended by this blog post, I am sorry.  The evidence would have come out at some point.  Why did the entire evolution of planet earth have to wait for me to discover this?  Could the hairy butt chicken revelation be the tip of a major international conspiracy?  I wonder…


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