Category Archives: Freedom

Giraffe Leaping

Did you know that we giraffes enjoy leaping?  Probably never thought about it, but we do.  We are actually pretty good at it.  Some say we can leap better than frogs, but I do not want to argue about that.  Sometimes people get the idea that we giraffes are somehow limited in our abilities, and dismiss our athletic skills.  Witness that they do not let us play professional sports!  Have you ever seen a giraffe allowed to play American football?  Even though we are the best kickers?  Or European soccer?  See my point?  It is actually a conspiracy.  We can do many things were are not given credit for.

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it...

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it…

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Can You Imagine Life Not Being Grumpy?

Stay grumpy! Live grumpy!

Stay grumpy! Live grumpy!

Can you imagine life not being grumpy?  No way!  Does such a world exist!  I mean, I like being grumpy!  Being grumpy is just downright fun!  What’s life without the occasional Giraffe Grrrrrrr!  You know?  Sure, you say to yourself “Giraffes do not Grrrrr!!!”  On the contrary, we do!  We like being grumpy just like the next guy!

So the best thing you can do for yourself today is to hold on real hard to your grumpiness.  I mean, for whatever reason, do not let anyone make you smile!  Grumpy is fun!  It is as close to being a solid rock as you can get, and who would want something different than that?  So do not let anyone try to change your mind on that and make you smile and laugh today.  Grumpy is its own special ‘Zone’ and don’t tread there baby!

grumpy-iconWhat would life be like without that daily grumpiness?  Who needs light laughter and levity?  So what if laughter makes things easier!  Who said we wanted it easy?  Grumpy is fun all by itself.  Just sit there and repel people from you, growl and Hrummpphh all you want!  It is your right to be a solid rock if you want to be!  Who cares if it shortens your lifespan, and makes you lonely!  Stay in the zone!

For whatever reason today, DO NOT LAUGH!  Stay grumpy!  Peace brothers and sisters of grumpiness!  Here is to you!

Live short! Live Grumpy baby!

Live short! Live Grumpy baby!


Smelly is Smelly!

Smelly Things Are Smelly

Smelly Things Are Smelly

Do you ever consider the fact that smelly things are just plain smelly?  I mean, when something is smelly, it stinks! There is no getting around it.  Smelly things are just plain smelly, and that is all there is to it.  You may try to convince yourself it is not smelly, and that no one will notice, but let me tell you something!  They do notice!  Smelly things are just that!  SMELLY!

In a recent news report about a French family being asked to leave the Musee D’Orsay in France because they were smelly, my point is very clear on this.  You can read about this article here.  They did not even know they were smelly until the guards asked them to leave the museum.  Smelly is smelly!  So take a stand!

Do not try to convince me or anyone else that smelly things are not smelly!  They stink!  There is not substitute thing you can do to divert the attention from the fact that it smells!  It will not go away.  Period.  Smelly things are just downright smelly!

When things get really smelly, oh man!  Do they stink!  You just want to run away and escape!  What in the world would possess you to think that smelly things are cool?  They are not!  SMELLY THINGS ARE SMELLY!!!

So whenever you see someone who needs some awareness that they have a smelly condition, or are living a smelly existence.  Let them know that smelly is not cool.  Smelly is smelly.

There is no easier way to put it to them, I know.  Sometimes you have to be harsh.  Howepoop dogver, it is for their own good.  If you let them carry on thinking that smelly things are not smelly, and that they are somehow acceptable, well… You will be at risk of becoming smelly yourself!  What you roll in has a way of getting on you too!  So remember the wisdom I impart here: Smelly is smelly!

There is nothing more important to remember on this subject. Do not be merciful!  Be forthright in your conviction!  Make it known!  Smelly is smelly, and that is all there is to it!

Smelly is smelly...

Smelly is smelly…


Giraffe Proctology & the ‘Flag Pole’ Method

The flag pole method used by Giraffe proctologists is very uncomfortable!

I for one do not want to tread too deeply into a delicate and personal subject of Giraffe proctology, however, I thought this might warrant an interesting discussion topic. The ‘Flag Pole’ method has been widely criticized by Giraffes as being too invasive when trying to resolve modern constipation problems.

Because Giraffes are tall, there is a common misconception that a flag pole needs to be used to bring relief in these situations, assuming that Giraffes are different in this department than other mammals. I can assure you that this is not the case.

If the pole were not enough, then a flag is hoisted in the process, which makes it very uncomfortable! A kinder and gentler approach seems to be needed, rather than these harsh and crude methods!  Could not a simple chimney sweeping device covered in feathers be used?  I dare say, it would be a tad more friendly!

This brings me to believe that there may be a conspiracy among Giraffe proctologists to cause undo discomfort for my brethren Giraffe.

I would truly like to hear what everyone has to say about this subject that brings me deep consternation regarding the growing constipation problem among Giraffes.  Speak up now!  You can’t hold this in forever!  Let it out!

There can be friendlier methods used, and of this, I am certain...


Train Mooning

I thought I would talk to everybody about a new past-time that is sweeping the country called ‘Train Mooning’.  This where you gather with a whole bunch of your friends, and after a few drinks, you venture out as a group to a nearby railroad.  Together as a group, you time a quick pants drop and ‘moon’  a passing train. 

Train mooning can be a great way to say 'Welcome to our City!'

It works best when you target passenger trains, as this gives you the largest audience.  For you that are eager to get started, and only have freight trains near you, well start with that and have some fun!  I recommend positioning yourself at an angle to the tracks so the train engineer has a longgggg view when you moon him, as he is likely to be the only one who sees the spectacle on a freight train.

For best results, however, choose a passenger train.  If you live close to large cities like New York and Chicago, this is easy to do.  In fact, you can moon several trains in a given afternoon, as these passenger trains are more frequent as you approach larger cities. 

Another fun thing to do when you moon a train is to have a message painted on your buttocks.  I know this can be hard to do, so you will need to be a group that is in cooperation and knows how to spell.  It is best to do your butt paint writing before everyone gets too drunk.  Or, if you are already too drunk as you read this, then just grab a bunch of different colors and paint each cheek a different color like a bunch of circles on an old ‘Twister’ game.  This will give it a little

Nothing is more thrilling than to see a group 'Moon' when you roll into a new railroad station!

 dazzle!

Anyway, train mooning can be a lot of fun.  It is important to practice safety when train mooning, as you do not want to get run over by a train.  As a note, it is usually best to be farther away anyhow, so that the bulk of the passengers looking out the window can see you. It also gives you a better chance to run away or jump in a car and drive off if one of the train conductors calls the police.


Things to do when you find yourself naked in public…

I believe sometimes you just have go with the moment and live life, even if it dishes out things that might be unacceptable to others.  As a Giraffe, I most often tromp around naked.  However, I find that humans are less likely to do this publically, and I think there is a good reason for this. 

Painting yourself blue can be an option if you are naked...

The reason as I have determined it is, they do not have anything to do.  It is that simple.  If they had a plan, like painting their whole body blue or perhaps balancing on their stomach on someones feet, they might have less problems with the concept. 

It would keep their minds off the social ‘indiginity’ that is so often thrust about regarding this, that perhaps they might look at public nakedness as a new art form.  I mean sometimes you have to just let it all loose!  Why not do a naked bike ride, or go play on the trampoline?  So what if it all bounces around and you feel flabby.  Who really cares? 

Why not balance on your belly?

You should just make a list of the things you would like to do in public if you found yourself naked.  Put it in your pocket for now, or maybe write it on the bottom of your foot so would remember the list if you lost your pants.  Take time to just enjoy your naked experience, that is all I am saying with this blog. 

Really just let yourself go, and get into it.  People might stare…so what?  I mean, are you really going to make that big a difference in their lives if you go with a bunch of your friends and take your butts to the beach?  You could paint letters on your cheeks, and send a message to the world!  Wouldn’t that be cool?

I would highly suggest that if you are going to go hang out in bars, that you have a plan to stay in motion.  That way no one really has time to wonder, and hey, they might join you!


The Underwear Tree

You know there is a natural occurance right after a Naked Reticulation party that ‘Underwear Trees’ show up all over the world.  This recent party held last Saturday is not an exception. 

The glorious symbol of freedom: The Underwear Tree.

Being a sort of ring leader for this mischief, and I admit that I have engaged in producing a few underwear trees in my time, I would say it is time to consider this a new art form.  Much like the urinal crucifix that gained so much government support in the 80’s, so should the underwear tree be given a much higher profile against such works of art like the Mona Lisa and the works of Picaso. 

My thoughts on the underwear tree is that is takes a group of very committed participants to produce such a masterpiece.  I like them.  They are original and in some cases worthy of supreme admiration.  Sometimes it takes stretching underwear to extremes in order to produce the desire effect, and this shows both balance and poise.  Additionally, the contributor generally has to deal with breezy conditions as they make their sacrifice. 

I like underwear trees...

This morning, as I awoke from yesterdays all day celebration I found I too was lacking my underwear.  My thoughts go to the underwear tree.  I am sure I was an unknowing contributor to some underwear tree, and I am okay with that.  I went walking this morning, and found a few underwear trees in my neighborhood. 

I like underwear trees.  They are symbolic you might say of a liberated people, much like a patriotic flag or fireworks display.  Underwear trees are essentially a safe alternative, and I encourage everyone to create one.  Go out there today and let everyone know you support Giraffe Liberation or are a member of a liberated people, and create your own underwear tree.  It is completely natural for you to do it, and you will feel good about it, even if you are a little breezy in the nether regions.


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