Did you know that we giraffes enjoy leaping? Probably never thought about it, but we do. We are actually pretty good at it. Some say we can leap better than frogs, but I do not want to argue about that. Sometimes people get the idea that we giraffes are somehow limited in our abilities, and dismiss our athletic skills. Witness that they do not let us play professional sports! Have you ever seen a giraffe allowed to play American football? Even though we are the best kickers? Or European soccer? See my point? It is actually a conspiracy. We can do many things were are not given credit for.
Category Archives: Games
I thought I would write an article that is very important to me tonight. I call this ‘Twelve great places for a raw egg’. I believe in giving informative advice to those that like me have the mindset to create mischief 24/7.
The raw egg is the ultimate ‘dirty bomb’ that goes back eons. Why do I like the hidden raw egg? Because it take days and sometimes weeks to reach its full potential, and this gives you plenty of time to sneak off undetected. The better you are at hiding the raw egg, the more impact it will have.
The best criteria I have come up with for hiding a raw egg is to place it somewhere that is almost invisable, yet in a public place where it will gain maximum impact from its resultant odor.
I have composed my top twelve list, in no particular order, of great places to put a raw egg to achieve maximum impact. Here goes:
1) Under the drivers seat on a city bus. Shove it way up inside the stuffing from underneath. Makes for a great fresh smell
on the bus several days later.
2) In the air conditioning duct work of your local office building. I prefer the post office, but any public place works great.
3) Inside the desk leg of your bosses desk. Whoa is that fun!
4) Anywhere you can hide it in the perfume department at a local department store. Love it!
5) In the library in the psychiatric book section. No one ever reads that crap, so it is fitting.
6) In the bathroom at any restaurant.
7) Buried underneath home plate at your local baseball diamond. The umpire will think everybody it farting today.
9) In church. Underneath a ‘pew’. No pun intended.
10) When you go to that appointment with the tax man, sneak one inside his computer monitor.
11) Put one inside a stuffed bunny, and leave it somewhere where someone will take it home.
12) Sneak one behind the shelves at the health food section of the grocery store.
Raw eggs are pure magic. The biggest difficulty is maintaining your patience to see how long it goes undiscovered. By all means, returning the scene to inspect as a bystander can give you away. Trust me on that one. I always break up in laughter, and give myself away.
You know fishing is a skill that even Giraffes learn. Why you might ask? Because we engage in tossing salmon as a sporting activity, and thus fishing is a subject of interest to us.
That being said, let’s examine a few things. Are you a master baiter? Have you learned to put a worm on a hook? I believe even kids at a young age should learn to play with their worms, and put them the right way for success on the hook. You know what I mean? They should be taught to become master baiters at a young age, and really get a grip on things.
Fishing is a game of survival and can provide a great source of food. So learning to conquer master baiting is important to planting the seed of the future. It is a skill few master.
Let’s take the hook. It is a barbie hook? or a one of those crooky hooks? It does make a
difference on how you grip the worm. You will want to hold is just so with a barbie, so the worm will slide right in and hang on.
With a crooky, you may want to apply some corn to prop it up, or it might slide out.
So becoming a master baiter is a skill that everyone should explore, and develop. It will bring you lots of satisfaction, and enjoyment too. Here is an important tip though: Be sure to wash your hands when you are done with your master baiting lessons, as they can get all smelly and sticky.
Another fun thing to try is to practice master baiting in a swimming pool. It is more challenging in water than you think, as you will not only have to hold your worm, but keep yourself up. It will help you think like a fish too, and man is it fun!
Well, I hope you have a successful career in master baiting!
You know that people do not often invite Giraffes to the bull fights in Spain. Do you know why? Because we as Giraffes are tremendous in the ring. We can whoop a bull in seconds.
It does not draw a crowd after the first time, because we stomp them so fast. Thus, you never hear of it. It becomes a ‘non-event’ in the annals of history. So just keep that in mind.
One of the all American games is the game of ‘Twister’. A simple game, which consists of a large plastic with color dots and a spinning dial with matching colors. It really is the ulitimate party game, which requires group involvement.
Participants position themselves near the dotted playing field, and one player spins the dial and tells them which foot or hand to place on which colored dot. Of course it starts out easy, and then gets crazy, as you are not supposed to move your respective foot or hand again until the spinner calls a new color for it.
The results: everybody gets twisted! One could say it brings people
together. A new twist on this game, as we move into the liberated new decade is to play this game in the buff. That is right, bare-butt naked! Twister in the buff baby!
This of course brings on new challenges, as one has to overcome the obstacle of modesty, and shyness in addition to playing the physical portion of the game.
Then there is the increase in sweatyness, especially if it is a hot day. Then the Twister board gets slippery in addition to the complexity of Twister in the buff. I like Twister in the buff, and recommend it as an ice-breaker whenever I have a new group of people visiting me at my home.
If they comply, then I ask them to join the Giraffe Liberation Front, which is my radical giraffe group on Facebook. So,
as one can imagine, some people find this to be disagreeable, and leave screaming and shouting, but hey, that is their choice.
Another fund way to play Twister in the buff is the include the use of body paint! Wow, is that fun! It can be both colorful, and slippery! What a mess, but all in all, a memorable experience to be sure!
I think Twister in the buff should become an Olympic sport! Why not? I know I would eagerly watch the international competition. Twister in the buff on the international stage! Think about it! It could work!
Try to imagine the nude twister team for each country walking into the opening ceremonies at the Olympic games! They could all just wear body paint that reflects the color of the their countries flag! It would be soooo coool!
I thought I would talk to everybody about a new past-time that is sweeping the country called ‘Train Mooning’. This where you gather with a whole bunch of your friends, and after a few drinks, you venture out as a group to a nearby railroad. Together as a group, you time a quick pants drop and ‘moon’ a passing train.
It works best when you target passenger trains, as this gives you the largest audience. For you that are eager to get started, and only have freight trains near you, well start with that and have some fun! I recommend positioning yourself at an angle to the tracks so the train engineer has a longgggg view when you moon him, as he is likely to be the only one who sees the spectacle on a freight train.
For best results, however, choose a passenger train. If you live close to large cities like New York and Chicago, this is easy to do. In fact, you can moon several trains in a given afternoon, as these passenger trains are more frequent as you approach larger cities.
Another fun thing to do when you moon a train is to have a message painted on your buttocks. I know this can be hard to do, so you will need to be a group that is in cooperation and knows how to spell. It is best to do your butt paint writing before everyone gets too drunk. Or, if you are already too drunk as you read this, then just grab a bunch of different colors and paint each cheek a different color like a bunch of circles on an old ‘Twister’ game. This will give it a little
Anyway, train mooning can be a lot of fun. It is important to practice safety when train mooning, as you do not want to get run over by a train. As a note, it is usually best to be farther away anyhow, so that the bulk of the passengers looking out the window can see you. It also gives you a better chance to run away or jump in a car and drive off if one of the train conductors calls the police.
You know, I really like it when a picture tells a story. I mean, you know it is a good picture, when you can look at it and after carefully studying it, it tells a story all unto itself. It really is quite amazing, and as a Giraffe, I like a good photograph that talks to me. I have assembled a small collection of some of my favorite ones I have collected, and I invite you to study them carefully, and see if you can see the hidden story these photographs are telling. Sometimes the surface is not what it seems.
Let’s take a look at this first one. Can you see the hidden story within it? Examine it carefully, and leave a comment on this blog if you get it. We will call this photo #1.
Okay, now that you have completely uncovered all there is to know about the story in that photo, let’s look at photo #2. Does this say anything special to you? If so, comment on this blog as well.
Finally, this one needs very little explanation. However easy it is to see the story in photo #3, one can only imagine the conversations that occured a few minutes following this snap shot. Leave your comments on what you suppose those might be as well.
Well that concludes today’s exercise. I hope you got as much out of these photos as I did! Cheerio!