Category Archives: Reticulation Information

Giraffe Leaping

Did you know that we giraffes enjoy leaping?  Probably never thought about it, but we do.  We are actually pretty good at it.  Some say we can leap better than frogs, but I do not want to argue about that.  Sometimes people get the idea that we giraffes are somehow limited in our abilities, and dismiss our athletic skills.  Witness that they do not let us play professional sports!  Have you ever seen a giraffe allowed to play American football?  Even though we are the best kickers?  Or European soccer?  See my point?  It is actually a conspiracy.  We can do many things were are not given credit for.

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it...

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it…

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Who Deserves a Giraffe Kick?

There are some people out there in the world, and you know who they are, that deserve a giraffe kick.  Can you for a

We Giraffes can kick baby!

We Giraffes can kick baby!

moment picture that person in your life you would like to see this happen to?  Sometimes it is an entirely different species other than yourself.  To me, Lions all deserve a giraffe kick.  However, in the world of humans, there are several more for their useless actions in deceptive practices.

Here is a list of a few that I think deserve a good ol’ giraffe kick:

1) All the members of the Rinaldo Orfeo Circus that not only captured a giraffe, tried to make him perform in their circus and allowed him to escape and run around the city streets endangering his life!   Then they shot him with tranquilizers and took him back to a zoo!  The giraffe later died from a heart attack!  All of them deserve a kick, and another kick, and another! Here is the story on that nasty episode.

2) Mark Nisbet, owner of Eudora Farms in SC.  They let a giraffe go to a tree lighting ceremony, where he got spooked with cannon fire!  Very mean!  Here is the story of that nasty incident.

3) Zoo Keepers at the Mogo Zoo deserve a swift kick.  They recently crated a giraffe and drove him through the streets of Sidney and made an embarrassing spectacle of him. Here is that sad story.

4) The Zoo Keepers at the Vancouver Zoo had three Giraffes die recently, which is just disgusting!  They not only are under investigation from the Giraffe Liberation Front, they are just sick people.  Here is the story about this brutal incident.

5) Finally, here is a group that really deserves a kick!  The staff at Zoo Atlanta.  A giraffe was reported to have ‘un-expectantly’ died there recently.  Really?  This sounds too suspicious.  Here is that sad tale.

So when it comes to being mean to giraffes, I think those people deserve a kick.  This is my humble opinion.  I welcome yours.

Giraffe gets crated in Sidney!

Giraffe gets crated in Sidney!


Do you have Dain Bramage?

You might be wondering it you have brain damage after you read some of my blog posts.  Some of them may not make sense to you.  Why should it?  I am a giraffe, and I am coming at you from a very high altitude!  Trust me, I see things differently.

You might have brain damage if you think that not being a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front is a safe thing to be.  Did you know that Lions are out there in the world?  Did you know that most giraffes do not fully realize that lions eat giraffes?  They do!  Never trust a lion!

Your best protection against lions is to become a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front on Facebook.  Trust me.  I founded the group several years ago, and at present we have over 1000 members.  In all those years, I have not been eaten by a lion.  So therefore, the group has worked!  Does this make sense?  So what are you waiting for!  Join today!

giraffe tongue 1

Join the Giraffe Liberation Front, and let everyone you know that you have. They will know you do not have dain bramage!  Save yourself!  Unite!


My 2012 New Years Resolution to Offend

“I have decided that my New Year’s resolution in 2012 will be simply: To Offend.  I want to offend as many people as I can.  That is my new ambition.  I will call your favorite celebrity out on the carpet and promote their flaws, and anger you.  That is what I will look for.  I will portray the religious leader with bird droppings, and the sacred texts as toilet paper.  I will seek to find photos of everyone, including myself in the most embarrassing moments.  If I make you blush, I will be rewarded.” ~ Toodles G. Raffe

I look forward to 2012. You can bet your trembling nervous butt on it!

I first penned the above paragraph in December of 2010, with plans to post this on my blog around that time.  However, I did not.  I held back because I was not sure entirely that it would be understood, and so therefore in a rare momemt of restraint, I withheld my publishing of that post.

Now a whole new year has passed, and our planet is in no better shape or condition for it.  Giraffes are still locked up in zoos, and mysteriously murdered by caring ‘zoo keepers’.  Lions roam free to murder giraffes in Africa, and no one seems to give a rip.  Well, I do!  I am a giraffe, and this offends me!

Therefore, I have decided that in 2012 I will do more than just offend.  I will really offend.  My plan is to expand my blog to a new format, and a new

Do you hear hoofsteps?

design.  I will probably transfer over some of these old blog posts that have become such favorites.  However, I will be taking on new projects as well in 2012.  I will not just be bringing you interesting things to read about, but I also plan to publish comprehensive works on the Giraffopia Philosophy.

So in 2012, you might see early in the year a shift in the force.  A change in my blog, and a tremble in the earth.  Don’t worry, it is just me freeing a thousand more giraffes from the local zoo, and upsetting the status quo.  Ride the wave if you like it, and spread the word.

 


What is Naked Reticulation?

Many people may be asking themselves: What is Naked Reticulation?  Well, let’s first start by defining ‘Reticulation’.  Reticulation according to Webster’s Dictionary is “A network of web-like pattern” or “An arrangement resembling a net or network”. 

Naked Reticulation is Unity

The pattern of a Giraffe is often referred to as ‘Reticulation’.  However, to us in the Giraffe Liberation Front, ‘Reticulation’ has a dual meaning.  It is our network of friends criss-crossing across the globe, always looking out for each other.  It is a symbolic word of our brotherhood. 

So when one talks about ‘Naked Reticulation’ it is more than just taking your clothes off.  It is showing to all the world that you are connected, and a member of our brotherhood exposed to the world.  We hold parties everytime our group on Facebook reaches another 100 members, and we encourage members to go out for one day or sometimes several days in a row and celebrate our unity in reticulation. 

It is really about ‘letting out your inner Giraffe’ or on a more broader sense ‘Bearing to all that you are proud of your relationship with the international network of free beings’.  Our membership consists of all kinds of people and animals from across the world.  We do not deny membership unless you are a lion, hyena, crocodile or zookeeper.

We celebrate our brotherhood.

 

Of course a greater percentage of our members are Giraffes, but we have ambassadorships for all our members species whenever there is a need.  So when someone sends you an invitation to join us in celebration of ‘Naked Reticulation’, we are asking you to do more than just take your clothes off (which many members do). 

We are asking you to remember and celebrate our network and friendship, and take a moment and say ‘Cheers’ to all your friends worldwide.  That is what Naked Reticulation is all about.  Here ends the lesson.


Giraffe Body Art: Flattery or are they hiding something?

I have often pondered on Giraffe body art, being that I am a Giraffe.  When I first encountered Giraffe body art, I

Here is an example of Giraffe Body Art... Notice the tongue!

thought… Hmmm… That is flattering!  However, after time has progressed, and I have given it more thought, I have a few other ideas on the matter.  Are they perhaps trying to flatter Giraffes so they can sneak up on us?  Hmmm? 

Isn't this a little more than flattery?

I’ll bet you never gave that much thought!  What about the possibility of them being spies, and trying to infiltrate our ranks, and confuse us?  Then there is the possibility of cross-breeding perverts that want to creat a ‘Giraffe Love Child’.  I for one have run into those weirdos in my time! 

They send me ‘hoochie-coochie’ messages on Facebook, and try to get me to mate with them offline.  Yeah!  Like that is going to happen!  Just because you painted yourself to look like a Giraffe, doesn’t make you one. 

For sure, my FB group called the ‘Giraffe Liberation Front’ has many Giraffes, and non-Giraffes alike, but of the non-Giraffes we don’t have any that are pretending to be anything but trying to let out their own inner Giraffe.  That is an entirely different subject than trying to get a Giraffe inside you, if you know what I mean…

So what are your thoughts on this matter?  Spies?  Fans?  Or Creeps?

See anything suspicious?


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