Can You Imagine Life Not Being Grumpy?

Stay grumpy! Live grumpy!

Stay grumpy! Live grumpy!

Can you imagine life not being grumpy?  No way!  Does such a world exist!  I mean, I like being grumpy!  Being grumpy is just downright fun!  What’s life without the occasional Giraffe Grrrrrrr!  You know?  Sure, you say to yourself “Giraffes do not Grrrrr!!!”  On the contrary, we do!  We like being grumpy just like the next guy!

So the best thing you can do for yourself today is to hold on real hard to your grumpiness.  I mean, for whatever reason, do not let anyone make you smile!  Grumpy is fun!  It is as close to being a solid rock as you can get, and who would want something different than that?  So do not let anyone try to change your mind on that and make you smile and laugh today.  Grumpy is its own special ‘Zone’ and don’t tread there baby!

grumpy-iconWhat would life be like without that daily grumpiness?  Who needs light laughter and levity?  So what if laughter makes things easier!  Who said we wanted it easy?  Grumpy is fun all by itself.  Just sit there and repel people from you, growl and Hrummpphh all you want!  It is your right to be a solid rock if you want to be!  Who cares if it shortens your lifespan, and makes you lonely!  Stay in the zone!

For whatever reason today, DO NOT LAUGH!  Stay grumpy!  Peace brothers and sisters of grumpiness!  Here is to you!

Live short! Live Grumpy baby!

Live short! Live Grumpy baby!


Do you have Dain Bramage?

You might be wondering it you have brain damage after you read some of my blog posts.  Some of them may not make sense to you.  Why should it?  I am a giraffe, and I am coming at you from a very high altitude!  Trust me, I see things differently.

You might have brain damage if you think that not being a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front is a safe thing to be.  Did you know that Lions are out there in the world?  Did you know that most giraffes do not fully realize that lions eat giraffes?  They do!  Never trust a lion!

Your best protection against lions is to become a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front on Facebook.  Trust me.  I founded the group several years ago, and at present we have over 1000 members.  In all those years, I have not been eaten by a lion.  So therefore, the group has worked!  Does this make sense?  So what are you waiting for!  Join today!

giraffe tongue 1

Join the Giraffe Liberation Front, and let everyone you know that you have. They will know you do not have dain bramage!  Save yourself!  Unite!


Smelly is Smelly!

Smelly Things Are Smelly

Smelly Things Are Smelly

Do you ever consider the fact that smelly things are just plain smelly?  I mean, when something is smelly, it stinks! There is no getting around it.  Smelly things are just plain smelly, and that is all there is to it.  You may try to convince yourself it is not smelly, and that no one will notice, but let me tell you something!  They do notice!  Smelly things are just that!  SMELLY!

In a recent news report about a French family being asked to leave the Musee D’Orsay in France because they were smelly, my point is very clear on this.  You can read about this article here.  They did not even know they were smelly until the guards asked them to leave the museum.  Smelly is smelly!  So take a stand!

Do not try to convince me or anyone else that smelly things are not smelly!  They stink!  There is not substitute thing you can do to divert the attention from the fact that it smells!  It will not go away.  Period.  Smelly things are just downright smelly!

When things get really smelly, oh man!  Do they stink!  You just want to run away and escape!  What in the world would possess you to think that smelly things are cool?  They are not!  SMELLY THINGS ARE SMELLY!!!

So whenever you see someone who needs some awareness that they have a smelly condition, or are living a smelly existence.  Let them know that smelly is not cool.  Smelly is smelly.

There is no easier way to put it to them, I know.  Sometimes you have to be harsh.  Howepoop dogver, it is for their own good.  If you let them carry on thinking that smelly things are not smelly, and that they are somehow acceptable, well… You will be at risk of becoming smelly yourself!  What you roll in has a way of getting on you too!  So remember the wisdom I impart here: Smelly is smelly!

There is nothing more important to remember on this subject. Do not be merciful!  Be forthright in your conviction!  Make it known!  Smelly is smelly, and that is all there is to it!

Smelly is smelly...

Smelly is smelly…


Drugs = Self Inflicted Retardation

I seldom digress into serious topics on my blog, and therefore I want to venture there today for just a brief moment or two.  Today, I want to talk about drugs.  What are drugs from a giraffe perspective? From a giraffe perspective they are essentially petroleum by-products introduced into people’s chemistry to give them brief or prolonged relief or jollies.  People who take drugs, and encourage others to take drugs are encouraging self inflicted retardation.

Self Inflicted retardation hurts!

Self Inflicted retardation hurts!

It is true!  Much like you might have heard about someone going out there and shooting themselves in the foot or arm as a self-inflicted gun shot wound, drugs are that chemical bullet covertly introduced into society to make you stupid.  To ‘retard’ forward thinking and crush creativity and imagination.

It’s true, there are some minor good uses for drugs in the narrow fields like numbing someone for surgery to repair a broken appendage, or something like that.  No argument there.

What I am talking about is the people who go out there and say ‘got a problem? Take a pill!’  These people are asking you to retard your creativity, cut off the appendage of your future ambitions, and amputate your dreams and essentially sell you on a becoming a slab of meat.  Unbelievable that it take a giraffe likecowboy-arrow me to point out this stuff, but it is true!  If someone encourages your to take drugs to solve a problem, it is them that are the problem, and not you!

If you want to solve a problem, go out and eat some mint leaves!  That always works for me!  Go look at the sun, and romp around in the sunshine if you are feeling ‘depressed’ as those drug pushers try to ‘solve’ for you.

If you do that you will feel a lot better than getting your favorite appendage amputated and whacked off!  That’s what drugs do to you!    Heroin will torch your dreams!  Crack will whack off your sense of tomorrow and make you a twitchy doofus!  Meth is designed to make you a smelly salami rotting in the sun!  Prescription meds are designed make you into a slave!  They make you cause a self inflicted retardation of your future, life and dreams!  Once you whack that off it does not grow back!  Don’t do it!  Trust me, I am a Giraffe, I know!  I see all of these things above you mere humans.  Don’t walk around with a stump flailing around like a blind hippo in circles after your future gets whacked off by the meat clever of drug addiction!


Air Force One’s Expandable First Lady Michelle Obama Toilet

You know that on the Giraffopia blog we write about the most important stuff known to mankind.  Today, is noThe butt is huge... exception.  In the past, we have written about the detailed analysis of the large butt of first lady Michelle Obama.  Click on this link to see this popular post from a few years ago, when we broke this news wide open with our undercover giraffe reporters.

Today, however, we have some unique insight into the magnitude of this subject.  Recently some photos have emerged from the inside of Air Force One, the presidential airplane.  Rumor has it that a special toilet was installed to accommodate a certain rear-endowed first lady.  Below is an exclusive photo of this magnificent invention called the ‘Expandable First Lady Toilet’:

Expandable toilet

Is this just another conspiracy theory or are we witnessing something huge?  Is this a myth, or a fantasy that has circulated the viral airwaves of the internet world?  Are these side wings, like the special fins on the stealth bomber uniquely designed for that first lady expansion?  Are there reinforcements yet to be seen?  Should this give a new definition to the ‘friendly skies’ and does Air Force One now require a counter weight on the other side of the plane to compensate for… well you know?  Are things more out of balance than they seem?

Not one to dwell on controversy, but it does invoke some very interesting questions.  Perhaps there is more to this Obama re-election thing that remains to be seem.  I mean, like the Hubble Telescope, this was probably years in development and certainly once tax payer dollars are spent on such a huge undertaking, one wants to see it in use.  Right?  I mean it probably was a massive project!  However the flush hole does seem small, so perhaps this is some new suction technology involved here?  Could be a deep subject to explore in later blog posts.  However the expandable winged sides, make sense…

Michelle_Obama_ass


Back to My Naughty Ways: Let’s talk about flies…

I have been away for awhile, and not written on my blog.  I know, you have missed me.  Being a world leader of a major Giraffe Liberation movement is distracting.  I, however, am back an will be writing naughty stuff as I see fit in the coming weeks ahead, simply because… I WANT TOO!

For all those chicken people out there that think the world is going to be just a great place because you farted, well I have news for you!  It stinks!

Did anyone notice that Obama got re-elected?  How did that happen?  Do we really want to look at the flies on his face

Flies like certain things...

Flies like certain things…

all year long?  For four more years?  Where has his face been?

Do you know that flies are attracted to other things out there?  Yes, they are.  However, that is too much to go into in just one blog entry.  However, the important thing to remember is that flies have a few things that they favor flying around and I have included a few examples in terms of photographs in this blog entry.

Yes.  You guessed it.  Flies on the bum.  No further comment.

Yes. You guessed it. Flies on the bum. No further comment.

We all know that flies can be annoying.  However, they are a telling sign of certain types of smelly things that are considered unmentionable!  Poop is one of them!  Yes sir, poop is one of the big ones they like!  They call them poopsicles!  Also ‘Poo-poo’ platters if you ever saw movie ‘Ants’ or what that ‘A Bugs Life’? I do not know for sure.

One thing is for sure, certain things in this world are smelly and is does not matter what you do to try to hide it.  Flies have a way of finding these things even through clothing and press conferences, and world events.

Flies have no mercy when it comes to the pursuit of smelly things.  No I am not saying that this is entirely conclusive, but you just try to go out on a hot summer day and let an old wet one slide out and see if flies do not eventually find you!  They will!


My 2012 New Years Resolution to Offend

“I have decided that my New Year’s resolution in 2012 will be simply: To Offend.  I want to offend as many people as I can.  That is my new ambition.  I will call your favorite celebrity out on the carpet and promote their flaws, and anger you.  That is what I will look for.  I will portray the religious leader with bird droppings, and the sacred texts as toilet paper.  I will seek to find photos of everyone, including myself in the most embarrassing moments.  If I make you blush, I will be rewarded.” ~ Toodles G. Raffe

I look forward to 2012. You can bet your trembling nervous butt on it!

I first penned the above paragraph in December of 2010, with plans to post this on my blog around that time.  However, I did not.  I held back because I was not sure entirely that it would be understood, and so therefore in a rare momemt of restraint, I withheld my publishing of that post.

Now a whole new year has passed, and our planet is in no better shape or condition for it.  Giraffes are still locked up in zoos, and mysteriously murdered by caring ‘zoo keepers’.  Lions roam free to murder giraffes in Africa, and no one seems to give a rip.  Well, I do!  I am a giraffe, and this offends me!

Therefore, I have decided that in 2012 I will do more than just offend.  I will really offend.  My plan is to expand my blog to a new format, and a new

Do you hear hoofsteps?

design.  I will probably transfer over some of these old blog posts that have become such favorites.  However, I will be taking on new projects as well in 2012.  I will not just be bringing you interesting things to read about, but I also plan to publish comprehensive works on the Giraffopia Philosophy.

So in 2012, you might see early in the year a shift in the force.  A change in my blog, and a tremble in the earth.  Don’t worry, it is just me freeing a thousand more giraffes from the local zoo, and upsetting the status quo.  Ride the wave if you like it, and spread the word.

 


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