Tag Archives: Conspiracy theories

Giraffe Leaping

Did you know that we giraffes enjoy leaping?  Probably never thought about it, but we do.  We are actually pretty good at it.  Some say we can leap better than frogs, but I do not want to argue about that.  Sometimes people get the idea that we giraffes are somehow limited in our abilities, and dismiss our athletic skills.  Witness that they do not let us play professional sports!  Have you ever seen a giraffe allowed to play American football?  Even though we are the best kickers?  Or European soccer?  See my point?  It is actually a conspiracy.  We can do many things were are not given credit for.

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it...

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it…


Are You a Stupid Scammer Spammer?

Are you a stupid scammer spammer?  Do you wake up each morning and say “Gee let me send out 1 billion stupid messages about random sex websites” in hope that someone will be interested in seeing you naked?  Guess what, a majority of us are not interested in you nakedness.  In fact we don’t want you ‘helpful advice’ on SEO search terms, blog ‘enhancements’ or other junk you stuff in our spam folder and post as comments on our blogs!

Are you a stupid spammer?

Are you a stupid spammer?

I just delete your crap anyway, and I edit your comments (removing your email and website) and they now read “Cool Blog Toodles” rather than that other stupid message you were offering about “easy credit card payments reports for spermicidal lubricant companies” of whatever you were selling…

Do you really think we are stupid enough to give you our bank account information because you sent us an unsolicited email saying we won a lottery? Or a random inheritance?  Are you really that stupid?

You must be.  I think you are no more intelligent than a turd if you ask me.  Yet day in and day out, millions of people have to empty their spam folders because you thought it necessary to send up messages about things we care nothing about, but it was important to you, or so we assume.

Also, all those great job opportunities you offer us for ‘handling your mail while you are out of town’ do you really think we would do that for you because you sent us a random email?  You must be the biggest idiot to think we would fall for you ripping someone else off, and then using our home addresses for the shipping of your stolen goods so we can take the fall for your crimes.  If you send me that stuff, I’m sending it back.

Also, what do all those other people in Nigeria have to say about you sending all those imaginary inheritances out ofscammer the country every week?  How many times does king Moojo need to die?  Or his uncle Watoobi?  Do you honestly think those sound like royal names?

Quit being an idiot!  Will you just give me an address so I can come find you?  I want to smack you with the idiot stick so you can stay busy and not pass along all these great revelations you have that you insist on sharing with all of our spam folders!  Really, if you took any of this crap personally, well too bad!  I got some friggin swamp land I want to sell you to bozo!

If you want to know more about how stupid scammer spammers are, go to: 419Hell.com  At this website you will learn the summary of all their stupid games, and really gain some insight into how stupid they are.  Don’t be a fool who falls for it.  Kick them with a good ol’ giraffe kick in the nuts instead!

Air Force One’s Expandable First Lady Michelle Obama Toilet

You know that on the Giraffopia blog we write about the most important stuff known to mankind.  Today, is noThe butt is huge... exception.  In the past, we have written about the detailed analysis of the large butt of first lady Michelle Obama.  Click on this link to see this popular post from a few years ago, when we broke this news wide open with our undercover giraffe reporters.

Today, however, we have some unique insight into the magnitude of this subject.  Recently some photos have emerged from the inside of Air Force One, the presidential airplane.  Rumor has it that a special toilet was installed to accommodate a certain rear-endowed first lady.  Below is an exclusive photo of this magnificent invention called the ‘Expandable First Lady Toilet’:

Expandable toilet

Is this just another conspiracy theory or are we witnessing something huge?  Is this a myth, or a fantasy that has circulated the viral airwaves of the internet world?  Are these side wings, like the special fins on the stealth bomber uniquely designed for that first lady expansion?  Are there reinforcements yet to be seen?  Should this give a new definition to the ‘friendly skies’ and does Air Force One now require a counter weight on the other side of the plane to compensate for… well you know?  Are things more out of balance than they seem?

Not one to dwell on controversy, but it does invoke some very interesting questions.  Perhaps there is more to this Obama re-election thing that remains to be seem.  I mean, like the Hubble Telescope, this was probably years in development and certainly once tax payer dollars are spent on such a huge undertaking, one wants to see it in use.  Right?  I mean it probably was a massive project!  However the flush hole does seem small, so perhaps this is some new suction technology involved here?  Could be a deep subject to explore in later blog posts.  However the expandable winged sides, make sense…


Back to My Naughty Ways: Let’s talk about flies…

I have been away for awhile, and not written on my blog.  I know, you have missed me.  Being a world leader of a major Giraffe Liberation movement is distracting.  I, however, am back an will be writing naughty stuff as I see fit in the coming weeks ahead, simply because… I WANT TOO!

For all those chicken people out there that think the world is going to be just a great place because you farted, well I have news for you!  It stinks!

Did anyone notice that Obama got re-elected?  How did that happen?  Do we really want to look at the flies on his face

Flies like certain things...

Flies like certain things…

all year long?  For four more years?  Where has his face been?

Do you know that flies are attracted to other things out there?  Yes, they are.  However, that is too much to go into in just one blog entry.  However, the important thing to remember is that flies have a few things that they favor flying around and I have included a few examples in terms of photographs in this blog entry.

Yes.  You guessed it.  Flies on the bum.  No further comment.

Yes. You guessed it. Flies on the bum. No further comment.

We all know that flies can be annoying.  However, they are a telling sign of certain types of smelly things that are considered unmentionable!  Poop is one of them!  Yes sir, poop is one of the big ones they like!  They call them poopsicles!  Also ‘Poo-poo’ platters if you ever saw movie ‘Ants’ or what that ‘A Bugs Life’? I do not know for sure.

One thing is for sure, certain things in this world are smelly and is does not matter what you do to try to hide it.  Flies have a way of finding these things even through clothing and press conferences, and world events.

Flies have no mercy when it comes to the pursuit of smelly things.  No I am not saying that this is entirely conclusive, but you just try to go out on a hot summer day and let an old wet one slide out and see if flies do not eventually find you!  They will!

Camels and Reindeer Have Been Used Throughout History in Place of the Noble Giraffe!

I want to bring to light a disturbing revelation that has been brought forth by the research department at the GLF headquarters.

Camels and Reindeer have been used throughout history in place of the noble Giraffe!

Jesus rode a giraffe, but the Hebrews removed it from the bible out of jealousy!

It seems now defunct sandlot organizations of bleeding heart Camel supporters feigning ‘equality’ for humped animals covertly altered the biblical texts of history by inserting the ‘Camel’ as the transport of the three wise men, in place of the Giraffe, who were the true carriers of nobility in those days! Alas, the true comes out! Kings and Queens of old would not have been caught dead on a Camel! The Giraffe was the transport of choice due to our unique reticulated and aesthetically appealing appearance!

Another myth that has come to light is that of Reindeers transporting Santa Claus! A complete lie! Imagine Reindeers pulling Santa’s sleigh! Absurd! The truth is that Giraffes pulled Santa’s sleigh! Indeed! It is true! Reindeer are too easily distracted by their own horns, Santa would never get anything done! Santa knew instinctively that Giraffes were superior, and single minded of purpose! The original Giraffes that carried his sleigh were among our most noble ancestors!

Their names have been closeted into the darks shadows of history due to a conspiracy of drunken elves with neo-fascist purposes to replace our kind with that of mindless animals so as to bring more attention on themselves! Well, I am here to say it did not work! The truth is now out!


To sensitive for Facebook? Or an unpleasant reminder of a competitor?

You know just today I logged into my Facebook account to find a warning posted that I had a photo removed from my

Inquiring minds want to know...

 profile page that was reported to FB as offensive.  I admit I am a sometimes gross and disturbed Giraffe, and I perhaps lack the proper taste in my humor.  However, after much mulling over this troublesome experience all day, I returned to examine the photo, which I am presenting here for your review.  It shows a young girl trying to be a bimbo, and take a sexy photo of herself in the bathroom. 

The trouble is that she left an unflushed turd in the toilet and it is captured in the background of the photo.  Now, this

The offensive photo!

 conjures up some thought on this.  One is that it conveys a girl that snuck into the bathroom and was taking this photo in secret so her parents would not find out, and to keep her cover, she pooped and did not flush so she could not be expected to leave the bathroom and make it available for others.  This gives her time to pose, and snap a few different angles that she liked, etc.  However, she was so enamored with her own bra and panties, that she overlooked the yule log floating in the commode.

Okay, so I see this photo and I think all of these things and I post it on my FB page, deciding I would share the stupid moment with my friends.  Only I am now led to believe that someone found it offensive, and thus it was removed from my profile page and I was spanked essentially and threatened with losing my FB account. 

Then if occured to me!  This photo has more to it!  It makes mention of ‘My Space’ and that is a known competitor to Facebook!  Ah-ha!  The plot thickens!  So is this photo really sensitive material, or is FB just sensitive about the very mention of ‘My Space’ on their pages?  Hmmm…

I leave you to ponder this question, and reveal to me what you think!

Do Chickens Have Hairy Butts?

I want to pose the question, DO CHICKENS HAVE HAIRY BUTTS?  Am I being rude by suggesting such an idea?  Well explain the hair I found on my egg this morning, before I cracked it open!  Yes hair!  Not curly, or bristle like hair

See the hair on this egg! It is chicken butt hair! Not feathers!

either.  Long fluffy hair, as one would expect a hairy butt chicken to have. 

I do not particularily mind this development, but why is everyone calling them ‘feathers’ when it is most obviously hair.  Thus, one could pose the question, are chickens really birds at all?  You want to know why no one wants to answer that one?!!!  It is because they would have to admit that chickens are hairy mammals! 

And if eggs are coming out of their butt, and they are mammals, guess what that makes an egg?  You guessed right!  Poop!  So why don’t we cut all the propaganda and get right to the point!  Chickens are hairy mammals that excrete a poop that everyone has convinced themselves they should eat, and that it is somehow pleasant! 

See the two hairs that form a 'V' shape on the exterior of my egg. Yes. Conclusive evidence of hairy butt chickens.

I know this is a deep thought for many, but I am here to explore the very edge of existence.  We have been fools for too long!  The evidence is in the hairs!  Their feathers are compressed hairs!  Deal with it!  Confront what it is!  Eggs are mammal excreta in disguise, and a whole industry is built around it!  Chickens have hairy butts!

So be not frightened by this revelation!  Learn from it!  shave your chickens if you must still eat eggs, but at least go into the experience with your eyes wide open! 

If any chickens with hairy butts have been offended by this blog post, I am sorry.  The evidence would have come out at some point.  Why did the entire evolution of planet earth have to wait for me to discover this?  Could the hairy butt chicken revelation be the tip of a major international conspiracy?  I wonder…

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