Tag Archives: Creeps

Are You a Stupid Scammer Spammer?

Are you a stupid scammer spammer?  Do you wake up each morning and say “Gee let me send out 1 billion stupid messages about random sex websites” in hope that someone will be interested in seeing you naked?  Guess what, a majority of us are not interested in you nakedness.  In fact we don’t want you ‘helpful advice’ on SEO search terms, blog ‘enhancements’ or other junk you stuff in our spam folder and post as comments on our blogs!

Are you a stupid spammer?

Are you a stupid spammer?

I just delete your crap anyway, and I edit your comments (removing your email and website) and they now read “Cool Blog Toodles” rather than that other stupid message you were offering about “easy credit card payments reports for spermicidal lubricant companies” of whatever you were selling…

Do you really think we are stupid enough to give you our bank account information because you sent us an unsolicited email saying we won a lottery? Or a random inheritance?  Are you really that stupid?

You must be.  I think you are no more intelligent than a turd if you ask me.  Yet day in and day out, millions of people have to empty their spam folders because you thought it necessary to send up messages about things we care nothing about, but it was important to you, or so we assume.

Also, all those great job opportunities you offer us for ‘handling your mail while you are out of town’ do you really think we would do that for you because you sent us a random email?  You must be the biggest idiot to think we would fall for you ripping someone else off, and then using our home addresses for the shipping of your stolen goods so we can take the fall for your crimes.  If you send me that stuff, I’m sending it back.

Also, what do all those other people in Nigeria have to say about you sending all those imaginary inheritances out ofscammer the country every week?  How many times does king Moojo need to die?  Or his uncle Watoobi?  Do you honestly think those sound like royal names?

Quit being an idiot!  Will you just give me an address so I can come find you?  I want to smack you with the idiot stick so you can stay busy and not pass along all these great revelations you have that you insist on sharing with all of our spam folders!  Really, if you took any of this crap personally, well too bad!  I got some friggin swamp land I want to sell you to bozo!

If you want to know more about how stupid scammer spammers are, go to: 419Hell.com  At this website you will learn the summary of all their stupid games, and really gain some insight into how stupid they are.  Don’t be a fool who falls for it.  Kick them with a good ol’ giraffe kick in the nuts instead!


Vegetables Are Rude

I do not like vegetables.  As a Giraffe, I find them annoying.  I do not consider leaves vegetables, so I eat them.  In general, I consider vegetables to be somewhat rude.  Rude you ask?  Yes, rude.  When you are not looking, the grow in all kinds of erotic shapes, and embarrass you when you go pick them. 

You don’t believe me?  Look at some of these vegetables I grew in my garden last year, before I gave them up:

Like I am supposed to eat that?
Now I can’t eat peppers anymore…
See what I mean? Friggin Rude!

Now you know why I do not like vegetables.  They are rude.  I will eat leaves and ice cream, and pizza… BUT NOT VEGETABLES!!!

The Abduction and Revelations of Blitzen the Reindeer

Last week I used confidential information and arranged for the abduction of Blitzen the reindeer from Santa’s famous band of sleigh haulers.  Initially, I gave orders for abduction of anyone of the 12 reindeer, with the intention of using anyone of them.  My band of Giraffe bandits ended up seizing Blitzen. 

Here is Blitzen in a cage.

We held Blitzen for a week in a cage, and sent a letter to Santa demanding he fill our Christmas lists this year, or Blitzen was toast.  To this day, I do not know what my plans were entirely on this, as they were kind of created after about 3 bottles of Merlot… but that is another story. 

Not to digress, we sent my demand letter to Santa, and waited.  Santa had blacklisted me last year, and this year I felt I had a similar history, so this was my new plan.  I was gonna get my gifts, even if it meant blackmail and kidnapping.  It being a new idea, and not ever having head of anyone else ever trying this, I and my colleagues thought it was worth a try.  I now know why no one ever tries this, but I am getting ahead of myself…

So where was I?  Oh yes, we had caged Blitzen.  Getting him to our secret location was only a small part of the story, but I did not this oddity, Blitzen was way too cooperative.  After a week or more of waiting and no response from Santa, I recieved a video message from him.  I posted it on my facebook page, but here it is: Santa’s Response.

I still did not believe him.  He refers to my ‘Mommy’ which I have none.  He makes reference to my being 10 years old,

Blitzen as we found him in the wine cellar. He is a wino!

 and he is way off.  He hits the mark on my request for a rocket launcher though.  So it left me perplexed.

Then one foggy evening, I went out check on Blitzen only to discover he was not in his cage!  The door was open, but there were tracks!  So I followed them and it led to the wine cellar.  There I found Bitzen, and he was drunk off his ass.  Blitzen was the North Pole wino!  That is why Santa did not care!  It was probably the first time he was able to drink his own booze without blitzen drinking most of it!  That explained the crazy video from Santa!

Then, after I got some help with getting him back in his cage, we discovered something even more sinister.  Blitzen was more than just a wino for the famous reindeer team.  He was also Santa’s personal glove warmer!  See this last photo and tell me if you are not grossed out! 

So I gave up on the abduction and let Blitzen loose, but he would not leave!  Seems this is the best he has ever been treated!  NOW WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH A DRUNKEN REINDEER WHO IS SANTA’S PERSONAL GLOVE WARMER!?!

The rear end of Blitzen the Reindeer! Santa's glove warmer!

Giraffe Body Art: Flattery or are they hiding something?

I have often pondered on Giraffe body art, being that I am a Giraffe.  When I first encountered Giraffe body art, I

Here is an example of Giraffe Body Art... Notice the tongue!

thought… Hmmm… That is flattering!  However, after time has progressed, and I have given it more thought, I have a few other ideas on the matter.  Are they perhaps trying to flatter Giraffes so they can sneak up on us?  Hmmm? 

Isn't this a little more than flattery?

I’ll bet you never gave that much thought!  What about the possibility of them being spies, and trying to infiltrate our ranks, and confuse us?  Then there is the possibility of cross-breeding perverts that want to creat a ‘Giraffe Love Child’.  I for one have run into those weirdos in my time! 

They send me ‘hoochie-coochie’ messages on Facebook, and try to get me to mate with them offline.  Yeah!  Like that is going to happen!  Just because you painted yourself to look like a Giraffe, doesn’t make you one. 

For sure, my FB group called the ‘Giraffe Liberation Front’ has many Giraffes, and non-Giraffes alike, but of the non-Giraffes we don’t have any that are pretending to be anything but trying to let out their own inner Giraffe.  That is an entirely different subject than trying to get a Giraffe inside you, if you know what I mean…

So what are your thoughts on this matter?  Spies?  Fans?  Or Creeps?

See anything suspicious?

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