Tag Archives: Games

New Word for the Day: Shizzle

As I wander through this universe, I discover certain things are lacking description and occasionally I take it upon myself to give it one.  You perhaps do not look at things the way I do, but I do not like not being able to describe something.  So today’s new word for you is: Shizzle.

What is ‘Shizzle‘ you might ask?  ‘Shizzle is that sound which is made when hot poop hits the snow.  It has its own unique sound, similar to a ‘sizzle’ but not quite.  It has that aura of odor and relief that goes along with it, in addition to that sensation of ‘exposure’ one feels when you must ‘go in the snow’.

Some like to make their shizzle in the wide open to give them the opportunity to see others coming should they be interrupted mid-shizzle.  Others, prefer the privacy of the woods when they shizzle.  It’s really okay.  There is no definitive correct place to shizzle, but now that you know it has a name, feel free to do so at your leisure.

Go forth and shizzle today!

Concentration is everything!  Focus!

Concentration is everything! Focus! Experience the Shizzle!

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Giraffe Leaping

Did you know that we giraffes enjoy leaping?  Probably never thought about it, but we do.  We are actually pretty good at it.  Some say we can leap better than frogs, but I do not want to argue about that.  Sometimes people get the idea that we giraffes are somehow limited in our abilities, and dismiss our athletic skills.  Witness that they do not let us play professional sports!  Have you ever seen a giraffe allowed to play American football?  Even though we are the best kickers?  Or European soccer?  See my point?  It is actually a conspiracy.  We can do many things were are not given credit for.

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it...

We giraffes can leap better than frogs, but we are humble about it…


Is Being Fat the New Extreme Sport for 2013?

Fat: The new extreme sport!

No one ever looks at a fat person and says ‘How athletic!’ No, they ridicule and laugh at fat people or they just stay away from them in general.  However, I as a Giraffe see it differently.

Fat people are athletes.  In fact, fat is the new extreme sport!  Imagine the strength it takes in the legs to carry around all that weight?  It is amazing!

I think we should enter a new category at the olympics, and call it the ‘extreme fat sport’.  They just need to show up and be there, and get measured.

Then they are asked to walk across a gym.  That is the contest.  Why make fat into something to avoid?  Call them athletes!  Give them a medal!

Watch some of these contestents in this video, and you tell me.  Are they not amazing?


My 2012 New Years Resolution to Offend

“I have decided that my New Year’s resolution in 2012 will be simply: To Offend.  I want to offend as many people as I can.  That is my new ambition.  I will call your favorite celebrity out on the carpet and promote their flaws, and anger you.  That is what I will look for.  I will portray the religious leader with bird droppings, and the sacred texts as toilet paper.  I will seek to find photos of everyone, including myself in the most embarrassing moments.  If I make you blush, I will be rewarded.” ~ Toodles G. Raffe

I look forward to 2012. You can bet your trembling nervous butt on it!

I first penned the above paragraph in December of 2010, with plans to post this on my blog around that time.  However, I did not.  I held back because I was not sure entirely that it would be understood, and so therefore in a rare momemt of restraint, I withheld my publishing of that post.

Now a whole new year has passed, and our planet is in no better shape or condition for it.  Giraffes are still locked up in zoos, and mysteriously murdered by caring ‘zoo keepers’.  Lions roam free to murder giraffes in Africa, and no one seems to give a rip.  Well, I do!  I am a giraffe, and this offends me!

Therefore, I have decided that in 2012 I will do more than just offend.  I will really offend.  My plan is to expand my blog to a new format, and a new

Do you hear hoofsteps?

design.  I will probably transfer over some of these old blog posts that have become such favorites.  However, I will be taking on new projects as well in 2012.  I will not just be bringing you interesting things to read about, but I also plan to publish comprehensive works on the Giraffopia Philosophy.

So in 2012, you might see early in the year a shift in the force.  A change in my blog, and a tremble in the earth.  Don’t worry, it is just me freeing a thousand more giraffes from the local zoo, and upsetting the status quo.  Ride the wave if you like it, and spread the word.

 


Top 10 Reasons to ‘Unfriend’ Me on Facebook

Having an abundance of friends on facebook is cool.  Trust me, I have over 1200 at this point.  You can check me out at: Facebook/ToodlesGRaffe. However, I do not think many people consider the dangers of having me as a friend.  I am sometimes a little too outragious for everyones taste.  Therefore, I have prepared a list of the top 10 reasons to ‘Unfriend’ me on Facebook:

10) I do not like Lions.  I make many jokes, and postings that would be considered in poor taste for Lions Lovers.

9) I am perfunctory.  I change my mind and don’t care if it makes sense to everyone.  It makes sense to me, at least at that moment.

8 ) I like a good fart joke.  I am also prone to bathroom humor, and will freely share it with others, in at the wrong moment.  My timing is often awful.

7) I am convinced Bigfoot lives in the woods behind my house, and I often go hunting for him with a potato gun.  In doing so, I once shot a poodle and a sheep dog.  I consider it their fault, because they were pretending to be Bigfoot and should have known better.

6) I have my own cat experimentation labratory in my basement.  I will willingly ‘cat sit’ for you, but you may not like the way your cat looks or acts once you get him or her back.  If you get them back, that is.

5) In the summer I often dig up my neighbors septic tank and go swimming in it.

4) I hold naked parties at my house and schedule them to be held at your house without your knowledge.

3) I believe Giraffes are the superior species on planet earth, and are in fact radio receivers of the gods.

2) I toss salmon.  Often I do this in social unacceptable situations, and create a trouble in doing so.

1) Finally, I like to make people laugh.  Some people do not like to laugh, and are essentially weenies about it.  I do not care if you like it or not, my goal is to make people laugh, and laugh often.  So this above all things I have placed as #1.  If you can’t handle the laughter, unfriend me now!

I can understand why I make you nervous.  So hey, go ahead and ‘unfriend’ me.  I understand.

Still want to be my friend?  We will see.

-Toodles


Big Fish Are the Way to Go

If you are going to fish, then just go at it.  Get a really big fish.  Don’t mess with those little ones.  Go extreme fishing, and yank one out!  Get all hot and sweaty and whip out your fish!  Battling with a fish can be fun.  Watch this:

 


Twister in the Buff

One of the all American games is the game of ‘Twister’.  A simple game, which consists of a large plastic with color dots and a spinning dial with matching colors.  It really is the ulitimate party game, which requires group involvement. 

Twister in the buff!

Participants position themselves near the dotted playing field, and one player spins the dial and tells them which foot or hand to place on which colored dot.  Of course it starts out easy, and then gets crazy, as you are not supposed to move your respective foot or hand again until the spinner calls a new color for it. 

The results: everybody gets twisted!  One could say it brings people

Twister is a competitive game, and the competition is fierce!

 together.  A new twist on this game, as we move into the liberated new decade is to play this game in the buff.  That is right, bare-butt naked!  Twister in the buff baby! 

 This of course brings on new challenges, as one has to overcome the obstacle of modesty, and shyness in addition to playing the physical portion of the game. 

Then there is the increase in sweatyness, especially if it is a hot day.  Then the Twister board gets slippery in addition to the complexity of Twister in the buff.  I like Twister in the buff, and recommend it as an ice-breaker whenever I have a new group of people visiting me at my home. 

If they comply, then I ask them to join the Giraffe Liberation Front, which is my radical giraffe group on Facebook.  So,

Body paint is a fun addition to Twister in the buff.

 as one can imagine, some people find this to be disagreeable, and leave screaming and shouting, but hey, that is their choice. 

Another fund way to play Twister in the buff is the include the use of body paint!  Wow, is that fun!  It can be both colorful, and slippery!  What a mess, but all in all, a memorable experience to be sure!

I think Twister in the buff should become an Olympic sport!  Why not?  I know I would eagerly watch the international competition.  Twister in the buff on the international stage!  Think about it!  It could work!

Try to imagine the nude twister team for each country walking into the opening ceremonies at the Olympic games!  They could all just wear body paint that reflects the color of the their countries flag!  It would be soooo coool!

Nothing like a massive game of Twister in the buff to get the summer going! Try it!


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