Did you know that we giraffes enjoy leaping? Probably never thought about it, but we do. We are actually pretty good at it. Some say we can leap better than frogs, but I do not want to argue about that. Sometimes people get the idea that we giraffes are somehow limited in our abilities, and dismiss our athletic skills. Witness that they do not let us play professional sports! Have you ever seen a giraffe allowed to play American football? Even though we are the best kickers? Or European soccer? See my point? It is actually a conspiracy. We can do many things were are not given credit for.
Tag Archives: Giraffes
There are some people out there in the world, and you know who they are, that deserve a giraffe kick. Can you for a
moment picture that person in your life you would like to see this happen to? Sometimes it is an entirely different species other than yourself. To me, Lions all deserve a giraffe kick. However, in the world of humans, there are several more for their useless actions in deceptive practices.
Here is a list of a few that I think deserve a good ol’ giraffe kick:
1) All the members of the Rinaldo Orfeo Circus that not only captured a giraffe, tried to make him perform in their circus and allowed him to escape and run around the city streets endangering his life! Then they shot him with tranquilizers and took him back to a zoo! The giraffe later died from a heart attack! All of them deserve a kick, and another kick, and another! Here is the story on that nasty episode.
2) Mark Nisbet, owner of Eudora Farms in SC. They let a giraffe go to a tree lighting ceremony, where he got spooked with cannon fire! Very mean! Here is the story of that nasty incident.
3) Zoo Keepers at the Mogo Zoo deserve a swift kick. They recently crated a giraffe and drove him through the streets of Sidney and made an embarrassing spectacle of him. Here is that sad story.
4) The Zoo Keepers at the Vancouver Zoo had three Giraffes die recently, which is just disgusting! They not only are under investigation from the Giraffe Liberation Front, they are just sick people. Here is the story about this brutal incident.
5) Finally, here is a group that really deserves a kick! The staff at Zoo Atlanta. A giraffe was reported to have ‘un-expectantly’ died there recently. Really? This sounds too suspicious. Here is that sad tale.
So when it comes to being mean to giraffes, I think those people deserve a kick. This is my humble opinion. I welcome yours.
You might be wondering it you have brain damage after you read some of my blog posts. Some of them may not make sense to you. Why should it? I am a giraffe, and I am coming at you from a very high altitude! Trust me, I see things differently.
You might have brain damage if you think that not being a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front is a safe thing to be. Did you know that Lions are out there in the world? Did you know that most giraffes do not fully realize that lions eat giraffes? They do! Never trust a lion!
Your best protection against lions is to become a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front on Facebook. Trust me. I founded the group several years ago, and at present we have over 1000 members. In all those years, I have not been eaten by a lion. So therefore, the group has worked! Does this make sense? So what are you waiting for! Join today!
“I have decided that my New Year’s resolution in 2012 will be simply: To Offend. I want to offend as many people as I can. That is my new ambition. I will call your favorite celebrity out on the carpet and promote their flaws, and anger you. That is what I will look for. I will portray the religious leader with bird droppings, and the sacred texts as toilet paper. I will seek to find photos of everyone, including myself in the most embarrassing moments. If I make you blush, I will be rewarded.” ~ Toodles G. Raffe
I first penned the above paragraph in December of 2010, with plans to post this on my blog around that time. However, I did not. I held back because I was not sure entirely that it would be understood, and so therefore in a rare momemt of restraint, I withheld my publishing of that post.
Now a whole new year has passed, and our planet is in no better shape or condition for it. Giraffes are still locked up in zoos, and mysteriously murdered by caring ‘zoo keepers’. Lions roam free to murder giraffes in Africa, and no one seems to give a rip. Well, I do! I am a giraffe, and this offends me!
Therefore, I have decided that in 2012 I will do more than just offend. I will really offend. My plan is to expand my blog to a new format, and a new
design. I will probably transfer over some of these old blog posts that have become such favorites. However, I will be taking on new projects as well in 2012. I will not just be bringing you interesting things to read about, but I also plan to publish comprehensive works on the Giraffopia Philosophy.
So in 2012, you might see early in the year a shift in the force. A change in my blog, and a tremble in the earth. Don’t worry, it is just me freeing a thousand more giraffes from the local zoo, and upsetting the status quo. Ride the wave if you like it, and spread the word.
Having an abundance of friends on facebook is cool. Trust me, I have over 1200 at this point. You can check me out at: Facebook/ToodlesGRaffe. However, I do not think many people consider the dangers of having me as a friend. I am sometimes a little too outragious for everyones taste. Therefore, I have prepared a list of the top 10 reasons to ‘Unfriend’ me on Facebook:
10) I do not like Lions. I make many jokes, and postings that would be considered in poor taste for Lions Lovers.
9) I am perfunctory. I change my mind and don’t care if it makes sense to everyone. It makes sense to me, at least at that moment.
8 ) I like a good fart joke. I am also prone to bathroom humor, and will freely share it with others, in at the wrong moment. My timing is often awful.
7) I am convinced Bigfoot lives in the woods behind my house, and I often go hunting for him with a potato gun. In doing so, I once shot a poodle and a sheep dog. I consider it their fault, because they were pretending to be Bigfoot and should have known better.
6) I have my own cat experimentation labratory in my basement. I will willingly ‘cat sit’ for you, but you may not like the way your cat looks or acts once you get him or her back. If you get them back, that is.
5) In the summer I often dig up my neighbors septic tank and go swimming in it.
4) I hold naked parties at my house and schedule them to be held at your house without your knowledge.
3) I believe Giraffes are the superior species on planet earth, and are in fact radio receivers of the gods.
2) I toss salmon. Often I do this in social unacceptable situations, and create a trouble in doing so.
1) Finally, I like to make people laugh. Some people do not like to laugh, and are essentially weenies about it. I do not care if you like it or not, my goal is to make people laugh, and laugh often. So this above all things I have placed as #1. If you can’t handle the laughter, unfriend me now!
I can understand why I make you nervous. So hey, go ahead and ‘unfriend’ me. I understand.
Still want to be my friend? We will see.
Giraffes drink urine sometimes… so what? What is the big deal? Are you so squeemish that you cannot handle it? I meam we are sophisticated creatures, far above your ability to comprehend our superiority. Why should I bother to explain to you that we are simply recycling?
But more than just that, we regard each other urine as being so important and sacred that it should not be just thrown on the ground. So if there is not another creature to pee on, we will slurp it up and save it for later. We help each other out in that way. Why do you feel I need to explain this? Are you such a pathetic human?
There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS PRACTICE! And not all giraffes do this. Only the ones who want to reload fast so they can pee on others!
I for one do not want to tread too deeply into a delicate and personal subject of Giraffe proctology, however, I thought this might warrant an interesting discussion topic. The ‘Flag Pole’ method has been widely criticized by Giraffes as being too invasive when trying to resolve modern constipation problems.
Because Giraffes are tall, there is a common misconception that a flag pole needs to be used to bring relief in these situations, assuming that Giraffes are different in this department than other mammals. I can assure you that this is not the case.
If the pole were not enough, then a flag is hoisted in the process, which makes it very uncomfortable! A kinder and gentler approach seems to be needed, rather than these harsh and crude methods! Could not a simple chimney sweeping device covered in feathers be used? I dare say, it would be a tad more friendly!
This brings me to believe that there may be a conspiracy among Giraffe proctologists to cause undo discomfort for my brethren Giraffe.
I would truly like to hear what everyone has to say about this subject that brings me deep consternation regarding the growing constipation problem among Giraffes. Speak up now! You can’t hold this in forever! Let it out!