Tag Archives: Lions

Who Deserves a Giraffe Kick?

There are some people out there in the world, and you know who they are, that deserve a giraffe kick.  Can you for a

We Giraffes can kick baby!

We Giraffes can kick baby!

moment picture that person in your life you would like to see this happen to?  Sometimes it is an entirely different species other than yourself.  To me, Lions all deserve a giraffe kick.  However, in the world of humans, there are several more for their useless actions in deceptive practices.

Here is a list of a few that I think deserve a good ol’ giraffe kick:

1) All the members of the Rinaldo Orfeo Circus that not only captured a giraffe, tried to make him perform in their circus and allowed him to escape and run around the city streets endangering his life!   Then they shot him with tranquilizers and took him back to a zoo!  The giraffe later died from a heart attack!  All of them deserve a kick, and another kick, and another! Here is the story on that nasty episode.

2) Mark Nisbet, owner of Eudora Farms in SC.  They let a giraffe go to a tree lighting ceremony, where he got spooked with cannon fire!  Very mean!  Here is the story of that nasty incident.

3) Zoo Keepers at the Mogo Zoo deserve a swift kick.  They recently crated a giraffe and drove him through the streets of Sidney and made an embarrassing spectacle of him. Here is that sad story.

4) The Zoo Keepers at the Vancouver Zoo had three Giraffes die recently, which is just disgusting!  They not only are under investigation from the Giraffe Liberation Front, they are just sick people.  Here is the story about this brutal incident.

5) Finally, here is a group that really deserves a kick!  The staff at Zoo Atlanta.  A giraffe was reported to have ‘un-expectantly’ died there recently.  Really?  This sounds too suspicious.  Here is that sad tale.

So when it comes to being mean to giraffes, I think those people deserve a kick.  This is my humble opinion.  I welcome yours.

Giraffe gets crated in Sidney!

Giraffe gets crated in Sidney!


My 2012 New Years Resolution to Offend

“I have decided that my New Year’s resolution in 2012 will be simply: To Offend.  I want to offend as many people as I can.  That is my new ambition.  I will call your favorite celebrity out on the carpet and promote their flaws, and anger you.  That is what I will look for.  I will portray the religious leader with bird droppings, and the sacred texts as toilet paper.  I will seek to find photos of everyone, including myself in the most embarrassing moments.  If I make you blush, I will be rewarded.” ~ Toodles G. Raffe

I look forward to 2012. You can bet your trembling nervous butt on it!

I first penned the above paragraph in December of 2010, with plans to post this on my blog around that time.  However, I did not.  I held back because I was not sure entirely that it would be understood, and so therefore in a rare momemt of restraint, I withheld my publishing of that post.

Now a whole new year has passed, and our planet is in no better shape or condition for it.  Giraffes are still locked up in zoos, and mysteriously murdered by caring ‘zoo keepers’.  Lions roam free to murder giraffes in Africa, and no one seems to give a rip.  Well, I do!  I am a giraffe, and this offends me!

Therefore, I have decided that in 2012 I will do more than just offend.  I will really offend.  My plan is to expand my blog to a new format, and a new

Do you hear hoofsteps?

design.  I will probably transfer over some of these old blog posts that have become such favorites.  However, I will be taking on new projects as well in 2012.  I will not just be bringing you interesting things to read about, but I also plan to publish comprehensive works on the Giraffopia Philosophy.

So in 2012, you might see early in the year a shift in the force.  A change in my blog, and a tremble in the earth.  Don’t worry, it is just me freeing a thousand more giraffes from the local zoo, and upsetting the status quo.  Ride the wave if you like it, and spread the word.


Lions Deserve an ‘L’ on their Forehead

I think Lions are mean.  In general, they suck.  They eat Giraffes, and for that reason they deserve an ‘L’ on their forehead, for being such a loser.  Lions generally hunt a Giraffe in a pack, or ‘pride’ and once they separate them out from other Giraffes, they scratch them and bite at them until they become their dinner. 

Lions Deserve an 'L' on their Forehead

Well I am here to tell you something!  Giraffes can kick!  And there have been reported cases of Giraffes kicking lions to death.  So watch out lions!  You suck, and we are organizing and coming for you.  I have a group on Facebook called the ‘Giraffe Liberation Front’ and we are a united group of Giraffes and Giraffe supporters who are saying ENOUGH TO THIS NONSENSE!

Lions think they can just go around eating Giraffes with no consequences?  That we will not organize a kicking party because they have a shaggy mane?  Or perhaps we are supposed to piddle when we hear them roar? 

Lions deserve an ‘L’ on their forehead, and my blog is here to tell you that.  Giraffes are tall, and in fact we are the tallest animals on earth!  Do you understand what that means?  It means were are the closest to the almighty, and that means we hear everything he has to say first!  So you can trust me on this, Lions suck.  I am a complete supporter of placing an ‘L’ on the foreheads of lions everywhere, especially the stupid ones in the zoos.  King of the beast indeed!  Wait until they experience a Giraffe kick!  No lion survives a Giraffe kick.  Mark them with an ‘L’ I say, so we have a target to kick at.  We will open up and whoop them!  Wait and see!

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