Tag Archives: Reticulation

Who Deserves a Giraffe Kick?

There are some people out there in the world, and you know who they are, that deserve a giraffe kick.  Can you for a

We Giraffes can kick baby!

We Giraffes can kick baby!

moment picture that person in your life you would like to see this happen to?  Sometimes it is an entirely different species other than yourself.  To me, Lions all deserve a giraffe kick.  However, in the world of humans, there are several more for their useless actions in deceptive practices.

Here is a list of a few that I think deserve a good ol’ giraffe kick:

1) All the members of the Rinaldo Orfeo Circus that not only captured a giraffe, tried to make him perform in their circus and allowed him to escape and run around the city streets endangering his life!   Then they shot him with tranquilizers and took him back to a zoo!  The giraffe later died from a heart attack!  All of them deserve a kick, and another kick, and another! Here is the story on that nasty episode.

2) Mark Nisbet, owner of Eudora Farms in SC.  They let a giraffe go to a tree lighting ceremony, where he got spooked with cannon fire!  Very mean!  Here is the story of that nasty incident.

3) Zoo Keepers at the Mogo Zoo deserve a swift kick.  They recently crated a giraffe and drove him through the streets of Sidney and made an embarrassing spectacle of him. Here is that sad story.

4) The Zoo Keepers at the Vancouver Zoo had three Giraffes die recently, which is just disgusting!  They not only are under investigation from the Giraffe Liberation Front, they are just sick people.  Here is the story about this brutal incident.

5) Finally, here is a group that really deserves a kick!  The staff at Zoo Atlanta.  A giraffe was reported to have ‘un-expectantly’ died there recently.  Really?  This sounds too suspicious.  Here is that sad tale.

So when it comes to being mean to giraffes, I think those people deserve a kick.  This is my humble opinion.  I welcome yours.

Giraffe gets crated in Sidney!

Giraffe gets crated in Sidney!

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Do you have Dain Bramage?

You might be wondering it you have brain damage after you read some of my blog posts.  Some of them may not make sense to you.  Why should it?  I am a giraffe, and I am coming at you from a very high altitude!  Trust me, I see things differently.

You might have brain damage if you think that not being a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front is a safe thing to be.  Did you know that Lions are out there in the world?  Did you know that most giraffes do not fully realize that lions eat giraffes?  They do!  Never trust a lion!

Your best protection against lions is to become a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front on Facebook.  Trust me.  I founded the group several years ago, and at present we have over 1000 members.  In all those years, I have not been eaten by a lion.  So therefore, the group has worked!  Does this make sense?  So what are you waiting for!  Join today!

giraffe tongue 1

Join the Giraffe Liberation Front, and let everyone you know that you have. They will know you do not have dain bramage!  Save yourself!  Unite!


Giraffes Drink Urine Sometimes… So what?

Too much for your to comprehend...

Giraffes drink urine sometimes… so what What is the big deal?  Are you so squeemish that you cannot handle it?  I meam we are sophisticated creatures, far above your ability to comprehend our superiority.  Why should I bother to explain to you that we are simply recycling? 

But more than just that, we regard each other urine as being so important and sacred that it should not be just thrown on the ground.  So if there is not another creature to pee on, we will slurp it up and save it for later.  We help each other out in that way.  Why do you feel I need to explain this?  Are you such a pathetic human?

There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS PRACTICE! And not all giraffes do this.  Only the ones who want to reload fast so they can pee on others!

 


The Underwear Tree

You know there is a natural occurance right after a Naked Reticulation party that ‘Underwear Trees’ show up all over the world.  This recent party held last Saturday is not an exception. 

The glorious symbol of freedom: The Underwear Tree.

Being a sort of ring leader for this mischief, and I admit that I have engaged in producing a few underwear trees in my time, I would say it is time to consider this a new art form.  Much like the urinal crucifix that gained so much government support in the 80’s, so should the underwear tree be given a much higher profile against such works of art like the Mona Lisa and the works of Picaso. 

My thoughts on the underwear tree is that is takes a group of very committed participants to produce such a masterpiece.  I like them.  They are original and in some cases worthy of supreme admiration.  Sometimes it takes stretching underwear to extremes in order to produce the desire effect, and this shows both balance and poise.  Additionally, the contributor generally has to deal with breezy conditions as they make their sacrifice. 

I like underwear trees...

This morning, as I awoke from yesterdays all day celebration I found I too was lacking my underwear.  My thoughts go to the underwear tree.  I am sure I was an unknowing contributor to some underwear tree, and I am okay with that.  I went walking this morning, and found a few underwear trees in my neighborhood. 

I like underwear trees.  They are symbolic you might say of a liberated people, much like a patriotic flag or fireworks display.  Underwear trees are essentially a safe alternative, and I encourage everyone to create one.  Go out there today and let everyone know you support Giraffe Liberation or are a member of a liberated people, and create your own underwear tree.  It is completely natural for you to do it, and you will feel good about it, even if you are a little breezy in the nether regions.


What is Naked Reticulation?

Many people may be asking themselves: What is Naked Reticulation?  Well, let’s first start by defining ‘Reticulation’.  Reticulation according to Webster’s Dictionary is “A network of web-like pattern” or “An arrangement resembling a net or network”. 

Naked Reticulation is Unity

The pattern of a Giraffe is often referred to as ‘Reticulation’.  However, to us in the Giraffe Liberation Front, ‘Reticulation’ has a dual meaning.  It is our network of friends criss-crossing across the globe, always looking out for each other.  It is a symbolic word of our brotherhood. 

So when one talks about ‘Naked Reticulation’ it is more than just taking your clothes off.  It is showing to all the world that you are connected, and a member of our brotherhood exposed to the world.  We hold parties everytime our group on Facebook reaches another 100 members, and we encourage members to go out for one day or sometimes several days in a row and celebrate our unity in reticulation. 

It is really about ‘letting out your inner Giraffe’ or on a more broader sense ‘Bearing to all that you are proud of your relationship with the international network of free beings’.  Our membership consists of all kinds of people and animals from across the world.  We do not deny membership unless you are a lion, hyena, crocodile or zookeeper.

We celebrate our brotherhood.

 

Of course a greater percentage of our members are Giraffes, but we have ambassadorships for all our members species whenever there is a need.  So when someone sends you an invitation to join us in celebration of ‘Naked Reticulation’, we are asking you to do more than just take your clothes off (which many members do). 

We are asking you to remember and celebrate our network and friendship, and take a moment and say ‘Cheers’ to all your friends worldwide.  That is what Naked Reticulation is all about.  Here ends the lesson.


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