One of the little known stories that the North Pole would like everyone to forget is the story of Anthrax the reindeer. Never heard of this story? I am not surprised. Despite what you might think, the North Pole has a way of suppressing these kind of stories in an effort to keep up an image of good public relations. However, when you hear the story of Anthrax you might ask yourself, why has this story not been told? Perhaps we can engage in some discussion on this later, but first, I am sure it would be helpful for you to know the story, as if you are like other millions of earth people, it has never been told to you.
Anthrax was the love child of Blitzen and Dancer the Reindeer. He was the product of one of those happy reindeer moments that was not supposed to happen. Blitzen who is a known drinker, and party animal slipped some Saki to Dancer one night in a lay over in northern Japan when Santa was taking the Australian team of kangaroo led by Blackie and Bonehead to deliver the down under presents. Santa does this every year, but that is an entirely different story.
Anyway, Blitzen slipped Dancer who was married to Prancer, a little Saki in her grog and grabbed Prancers bells and slipped off in the dark waited for Dancer. When Dancer stumbled out of the grog house, she was not only tipsy, she was in a romantic mood and looking for Prancer. Blitzen summoned to her in the shadows with Prancers bells, and uttered some romantic reindeers grunts, and the rest is history.
Dancer was not happy (this is an understatement) when she woke up the next morning in a pile of manger hay with Blitzen’s tongue in her ear. She vowed to poison Blitzen when they returned to the North Pole, and she vocalized these threats to all who would listen. Her upset was so profound that even Santa felt it necessary to place Blitzen in an an entirely separate stable and hitched Blitzen and Dancer as far apart on the sliegh as he could from there on out. When the baby reindeer was born several months later, Dancer named it ‘Anthrax’ to remind herself how much she wanted to poison Blitzen.
Oblivious to the notion that Anthrax was any different than any other Reindeer, Santa was just happy that the reindeer were
making little ones to so his herd was expanding. He put Anthrax in with the other reindeer herd, and started his training. It soon came out that Anthrax was not like other reindeer. He had a particular problem. He was what would later become to be known among reindeer circles as a ‘Dangler’.
Whenever Anthrax was hitched to a team of reindeer, he would take off like other reindeer into the air, but then suddenly lose all control and just dangle. In some cases he dangled upside down as the sleigh flew, and this caused a lot of problems for Santa on his landing. In fact, on the first test run when he let loose with his first dangle, Anthrax recieved several minor injuries when Santa had to land on the practice roof he has set up at the North Pole.
So needless to say, because Anthrax was a dangler, and the first dangler the North Pole had seen, he was ostracized. He was not allowed to play any reindeer games, or fornicate with other reindeer so as not to produce other danglers. Then, one foggy Christmas eve, Santa needed some help. He could not see very well, and his sleigh landing navigating equipment was not functioning properly. So he asked Anthrax if he would dangle underneath the sleigh, and shout out if he was coming too close to any dangerous objects.
Anthrax was delighted to be included! Never had he dreamed he would be able to ever help Santa on Christmas Eve! So they took off, and Anthrax dangled. It worked as a great plan until they came to the Southern waters off the Australian Coast, and sharks seeing this tasty dangling piece of meat jumped out of the water and ate Anthrax as Santa was flying low over the water to avoid radar. When Santa heard Anthrax’s final scream, he looked down and saw an empty chain where Anthrax had been. Pulling up the chain of jingle bells, no sign of Anthrax remained other than some white salty seawater residue on the harness where he was hitched.
Santa finished his flight with no further events, but returned home without Anthrax. The official North Pole report listed Anthrax as missing, and no one ever mentioned his name again.
Until now, the story of Anthrax the Reindeer was forgotten! May his legacy live on! This Christmas, remember Anthrax by putting some white powder in with your christmas card to your friends!