Tag Archives: Smelly

New Word for the Day: Shizzle

As I wander through this universe, I discover certain things are lacking description and occasionally I take it upon myself to give it one.  You perhaps do not look at things the way I do, but I do not like not being able to describe something.  So today’s new word for you is: Shizzle.

What is ‘Shizzle‘ you might ask?  ‘Shizzle is that sound which is made when hot poop hits the snow.  It has its own unique sound, similar to a ‘sizzle’ but not quite.  It has that aura of odor and relief that goes along with it, in addition to that sensation of ‘exposure’ one feels when you must ‘go in the snow’.

Some like to make their shizzle in the wide open to give them the opportunity to see others coming should they be interrupted mid-shizzle.  Others, prefer the privacy of the woods when they shizzle.  It’s really okay.  There is no definitive correct place to shizzle, but now that you know it has a name, feel free to do so at your leisure.

Go forth and shizzle today!

Concentration is everything!  Focus!

Concentration is everything! Focus! Experience the Shizzle!


Sharting is such Sweet Sorrow…

Have you ever sharted?  You know, that sudden surprise when you thought you were just lifting the old cheek off the church pew for the dry reverberation and ‘UH OH!’ you discover a little or a lot more happened than you expected?  We are talking about the hither-to-known ‘Wet Fart’ that has gain the popular name of ‘Shart’.  This sandwich of two words ‘Sh*t’ and ‘Fart’ form this new word ‘Shart’.  Get it?

Now back to the inquiry… Have you ever sharted?  I’ll bet you have.  Sharting is such sweet sorrow.  You are anticipating

The Shart can sneak up without warning...

The Shart can sneak up without warning…

the ‘sweetness’ of the joy of release, and smacked back with the ‘sorrow’ of smelly wetness.  Sharts happen.  They are unfriendly and sneak up on you.  There is no way to explain it, no way to lessen the discomfort.  However, you can perhaps lesson the embarrassment.

Here are my top five suggestions:

1) Don’t deny it.  Stand up loudly wherever you are and say “I just sharted!!!!”  Sure it will be embarrassing, but people will laugh and then sympathize with you.  (Hopefully)

2) Sneak into a restroom and toss your underwear out, and go ‘commando’ the rest of the day.  Wrap a sweatshirt around your waste and tell everyone you are into the Tom Selleck fashion today.  They might believe you.

3) Take off all of your clothes, and start screaming about bugs, rodents and how hungry you are for human flesh.  People will think you took bath salts and are going cannibal on them.  They will run.  No one will connect you with that shart.

4) Just carry on like nothing happened.  Stay up-wind from everyone, and you have a 20% chance no one will notice.

5) Run out the door of wherever you are at screaming that you have to eat McDonald’s now!  Just be careful no one else follows you who, so try not to be inspirational in this origination.

Those are my top 5 ideas.  Hope it helps.  Sharting is such sweet sorrow…


Smelly is Smelly!

Smelly Things Are Smelly

Smelly Things Are Smelly

Do you ever consider the fact that smelly things are just plain smelly?  I mean, when something is smelly, it stinks! There is no getting around it.  Smelly things are just plain smelly, and that is all there is to it.  You may try to convince yourself it is not smelly, and that no one will notice, but let me tell you something!  They do notice!  Smelly things are just that!  SMELLY!

In a recent news report about a French family being asked to leave the Musee D’Orsay in France because they were smelly, my point is very clear on this.  You can read about this article here.  They did not even know they were smelly until the guards asked them to leave the museum.  Smelly is smelly!  So take a stand!

Do not try to convince me or anyone else that smelly things are not smelly!  They stink!  There is not substitute thing you can do to divert the attention from the fact that it smells!  It will not go away.  Period.  Smelly things are just downright smelly!

When things get really smelly, oh man!  Do they stink!  You just want to run away and escape!  What in the world would possess you to think that smelly things are cool?  They are not!  SMELLY THINGS ARE SMELLY!!!

So whenever you see someone who needs some awareness that they have a smelly condition, or are living a smelly existence.  Let them know that smelly is not cool.  Smelly is smelly.

There is no easier way to put it to them, I know.  Sometimes you have to be harsh.  Howepoop dogver, it is for their own good.  If you let them carry on thinking that smelly things are not smelly, and that they are somehow acceptable, well… You will be at risk of becoming smelly yourself!  What you roll in has a way of getting on you too!  So remember the wisdom I impart here: Smelly is smelly!

There is nothing more important to remember on this subject. Do not be merciful!  Be forthright in your conviction!  Make it known!  Smelly is smelly, and that is all there is to it!

Smelly is smelly...

Smelly is smelly…


Back to My Naughty Ways: Let’s talk about flies…

I have been away for awhile, and not written on my blog.  I know, you have missed me.  Being a world leader of a major Giraffe Liberation movement is distracting.  I, however, am back an will be writing naughty stuff as I see fit in the coming weeks ahead, simply because… I WANT TOO!

For all those chicken people out there that think the world is going to be just a great place because you farted, well I have news for you!  It stinks!

Did anyone notice that Obama got re-elected?  How did that happen?  Do we really want to look at the flies on his face

Flies like certain things...

Flies like certain things…

all year long?  For four more years?  Where has his face been?

Do you know that flies are attracted to other things out there?  Yes, they are.  However, that is too much to go into in just one blog entry.  However, the important thing to remember is that flies have a few things that they favor flying around and I have included a few examples in terms of photographs in this blog entry.

Yes.  You guessed it.  Flies on the bum.  No further comment.

Yes. You guessed it. Flies on the bum. No further comment.

We all know that flies can be annoying.  However, they are a telling sign of certain types of smelly things that are considered unmentionable!  Poop is one of them!  Yes sir, poop is one of the big ones they like!  They call them poopsicles!  Also ‘Poo-poo’ platters if you ever saw movie ‘Ants’ or what that ‘A Bugs Life’? I do not know for sure.

One thing is for sure, certain things in this world are smelly and is does not matter what you do to try to hide it.  Flies have a way of finding these things even through clothing and press conferences, and world events.

Flies have no mercy when it comes to the pursuit of smelly things.  No I am not saying that this is entirely conclusive, but you just try to go out on a hot summer day and let an old wet one slide out and see if flies do not eventually find you!  They will!


If It Looks Like Chocolate, Should You Eat It?

If it looks like chocolate, should you eat it?  This is a compelling question.  Unfortunately chocolate is one of those foods that can be deceiving, and lead to a bad day if you get it wrong.  Just because something looks like chocolate does not mean it is something

Sometimes it is chocolate, and sometimes it can be something else, so be careful when you just dive in!

you should try to eat.

Here are a few tests to find out if it is chocolate:

1) Did you sniff it?  If it smells kind of sweet it might be chocolate, but don’t trust it entirely.  If you have no ability to smell, or lack a nose entirely, you can skip this step.

2) Does it melt in when it gets warmer?  Chocolate usually does, so this can be a good sign.  However, poop also melts when it gets warmer so be careful!

3) Does if have a dull or smooth sheen to it?  Sometimes this can be a clue that it is really chocolate.

Chocolate can be disguised.

4) Do ants want to eat it, but flies tend to leave it alone?  This is a good sign, believe it or not.  Most often this means it is choclate.  Flies usually do not mess with chocolate, but ants do.  If you see a lot of flies surround a dark brown mass, it is most likely something else, like poop.

5) Finally, the best way to find out if it is chocolate without eating it yourself it to get someone else to eat if and observe their reaction.  That way, if they eat poop, you will know it and can avoid the touble yourself.  If it is chocolate, then you can snitch it back from that other person and eat it yourself.

I hope this was helpful to you.  I know a lot of people do not take the time to explain important stuff like this.  That is what I am here for.  To help you understand the world you live in.  Happy chocolate eating this holiday season!

Some people just dive right in when they see something like chocolate...


What is Your Wet Spot?

What is your wet spot?

You have heard of the ‘Sweet spot’ when it comes to sports, like baseball for example.  A sweet spot it that exact spot on the bat where when the ball connects with it, it is going over the outfield wall.  However, what about other areas of life?  Do you have something that scares you completely? 

For me, it is the prospect of a monster in my closet when the lights go out

Sometimes you just have to let loose!

 and everything is dark.  Usually this happens after a scary movie.  That is my ‘wet spot’.  What is yours?  Some people it is just life in general gives them a wet spot.  A big one!  Like a beacon!

It could also be the foggyness of life, or just a night after too much fun.  In general, I think a person’s wet spot is a sign that they are not perfect afterall.  I mean, aren’t we all a little socially over the edge these days anyway?

I mean, if you have a wet spot that comes out once in awhile in public, is it really such a big deal?  Should we even take notice?  Some people get a wet spot every year when they find how much they owe the IRS, for example.  Others, when they see what their kids spent at college. 

For others it may be the very prospect or idea of moving away from home.  So in those cases, one could speculate that they like to stay attached to their home wet spot and not venture out in the world to create their own.  Still for many others, there is not reason at all, they just create a wet spot and move on.

What's life without a little wet spot now and then?


When to scratch, when to sniff, and when to wipe…

You know there are things that are hard to learn for some people.  This is a very sensitive subject, but alas it is up to

Going for the deep one in best not done in certain places.

 the Giraffopia blog to shine the light on this. 

DO NOT SCRATCH CERTAIN AREAS IN PUBLIC PEOPLE!  You would think that this little lesson would not be necessary, but it is.  Don’t believe me?  Watch the video at the end of this blog.

Second lesson: IF YOU SCRATCH CERTAIN AREAS, DO NOT SNIFF IT AND BE SURPRISED AT WHAT YOU SMELL!!! You would think that this lesson does not need to be tought either, but it does.  Do not believe me?  Watch the video at the end of this blog and be enlightened. 

Finally, the most important lesson is WIPE!  USE TOILET PAPER! 

Yes. You guessed it. Flies on the bum. No further comment.

 Don’t think that you can fool someone by going NATURAL!  Flies do not care about fashion! 

Another hint: FLIES ON YOUR BUM ARE NOT FASHIONABLE!  Did anyone really learn anthing from this lesson today? 

This is in part intended to be an educational blog, but alas, I feel that the message will fall on deaf ears.  One needs to know when to scratch, when to sniff and when to wipe.  That is the lesson of life.  Here ends the lesson.

One can only wonder what those that do not know these lessons think.  Do they think that no one will notice?  That those people sniffing in mortified curiousity in their presence is merely that they have a cold coming on? 

Are they that daft?  Are we to suspect that those that observe the smells and odd behavior are willing to over look it because it is just so truly unbelieveable?  I must admit, I have to wonder at the lack of grace.  One could not call it very ‘social’ or ‘charming’ to say the least, but what really goes on in their head?  Perhaps we will never know…


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