Tag Archives: Tight underwear

What You Might Have Missed About Santa

Every year, I have the unpleasant duty of writing about the untold story of Santa Claus.  It has become my lot in life to expose Santa, possibly because I have been on the naughty list for at least 5 years running now.  The one exception was really a fluke several years ago, otherwise I am just generally always in trouble with the jolly old elf.

Some may believe I have a personal vendetta against Santa.  I don’t think I do.  But thanks for asking.

This article was written to expose Santa exposing himself in all his glory.  However, if I come out and say ‘Santa did this…’ or ‘Santa did that…’ no one would believe me.

Therefore, I think a picture says a 1000 words.  So therefore I hired a private investigator to follow Santa around, and well, shall we say he was a tad bit revealing?

Look at this new photo, and you tell me!

Santa caught on film after a night out at the bar!

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If I say Michelle Obama has a big butt, do I have to prove it in a court of law?

If I say Michelle Obama has a big butt, do I have to prove it in a court of law?  When I first made the observation, it was during the Democratic National Convention in 2008.  She approached the microphone, and there beholding to all in

The butt rivals a chevy in the background.

silohette was a huge mambo-jambo butt!  I mean massive! 

Do you see some of the butt profile on the left?

It is probably the largest butt in the Whitehouse since Taft!  I have been carefully watching this for 2 years now, and I notice that no reporter seems to comment on it.  In fact, the photographers all try to take photos to hide this, but I have noted there are a few photos that reveal some of the proportions.  Why does this interest me?  Well, I heard Michello Obama spoke with some school children not too long ago, and in that talk she spoke about a healthy diet. 

See the splaying butt?

A healthy diet!  To these kids!  When your own butt is so huge?  What kind of deal is that?  As a giraffe on the plains, we used to laugh at the hippo butts in the water, and some times the occasional rhino, but this far exceeds those.  I would even go so far to say it rivals elephants! 

No kidding!  Look at these photos and see how it is cleverly hidden to decieve everyone that it exists, but if you look closely you see it is there!  So if I come out and state the case that Michelle Obama has a big butt, do I have to argue my case in court? 

I can just see it now: “Your honor, as evidence of my statement, I present Michelle Obama’s butt… If she can sit it in the witness chair your honor, without removing the side rails… we’ll drop our charges…”  Ain’t gonna happen… 

The massive rear-end endorsement!

Know why?  Because the butt is huge!  To win that case, they would have to doctor the witness chair, and surround the room with those fun house mirrors.  The butt is huge, and I stand by my position on that.  I welcome your opinions and comments on this blog. 

Have you seen the fashion pictures?  Where they protray the skinny model wearing the same dress as big butt?  We are supposed to somehow be distracted by the skinny model, and not notice the massive rear end endorsement she is carrying behind her?  ARE WE BLIND!

Role model my giraffe!  This is a roll model!  This is huge news and it has been denied the attention of the world through carefully doctored photography and front angle fuzzy shots.

The situation is tremendous, and I am proud to break this huge story on my blog.  Maybe no one has noticed.  Fine… But maybe they will start zooming in a little bit closer, and from the correct angle and reveal what I am telling here to be true! 

Watch the news stories!  See if anyone captures a full rear shot of this monument without a Presidential hand or clever fabric tenting it!  The story will emerge!  Trust me!

All I am saying is the butt is huge. It's bigger than all of us.


The Underwear Tree

You know there is a natural occurance right after a Naked Reticulation party that ‘Underwear Trees’ show up all over the world.  This recent party held last Saturday is not an exception. 

The glorious symbol of freedom: The Underwear Tree.

Being a sort of ring leader for this mischief, and I admit that I have engaged in producing a few underwear trees in my time, I would say it is time to consider this a new art form.  Much like the urinal crucifix that gained so much government support in the 80’s, so should the underwear tree be given a much higher profile against such works of art like the Mona Lisa and the works of Picaso. 

My thoughts on the underwear tree is that is takes a group of very committed participants to produce such a masterpiece.  I like them.  They are original and in some cases worthy of supreme admiration.  Sometimes it takes stretching underwear to extremes in order to produce the desire effect, and this shows both balance and poise.  Additionally, the contributor generally has to deal with breezy conditions as they make their sacrifice. 

I like underwear trees...

This morning, as I awoke from yesterdays all day celebration I found I too was lacking my underwear.  My thoughts go to the underwear tree.  I am sure I was an unknowing contributor to some underwear tree, and I am okay with that.  I went walking this morning, and found a few underwear trees in my neighborhood. 

I like underwear trees.  They are symbolic you might say of a liberated people, much like a patriotic flag or fireworks display.  Underwear trees are essentially a safe alternative, and I encourage everyone to create one.  Go out there today and let everyone know you support Giraffe Liberation or are a member of a liberated people, and create your own underwear tree.  It is completely natural for you to do it, and you will feel good about it, even if you are a little breezy in the nether regions.


To sensitive for Facebook? Or an unpleasant reminder of a competitor?

You know just today I logged into my Facebook account to find a warning posted that I had a photo removed from my

Inquiring minds want to know...

 profile page that was reported to FB as offensive.  I admit I am a sometimes gross and disturbed Giraffe, and I perhaps lack the proper taste in my humor.  However, after much mulling over this troublesome experience all day, I returned to examine the photo, which I am presenting here for your review.  It shows a young girl trying to be a bimbo, and take a sexy photo of herself in the bathroom. 

The trouble is that she left an unflushed turd in the toilet and it is captured in the background of the photo.  Now, this

The offensive photo!

 conjures up some thought on this.  One is that it conveys a girl that snuck into the bathroom and was taking this photo in secret so her parents would not find out, and to keep her cover, she pooped and did not flush so she could not be expected to leave the bathroom and make it available for others.  This gives her time to pose, and snap a few different angles that she liked, etc.  However, she was so enamored with her own bra and panties, that she overlooked the yule log floating in the commode.

Okay, so I see this photo and I think all of these things and I post it on my FB page, deciding I would share the stupid moment with my friends.  Only I am now led to believe that someone found it offensive, and thus it was removed from my profile page and I was spanked essentially and threatened with losing my FB account. 

Then if occured to me!  This photo has more to it!  It makes mention of ‘My Space’ and that is a known competitor to Facebook!  Ah-ha!  The plot thickens!  So is this photo really sensitive material, or is FB just sensitive about the very mention of ‘My Space’ on their pages?  Hmmm…

I leave you to ponder this question, and reveal to me what you think!


When underwear is too tight…

Tight underwear, is it really... you?

You know when underwear is too tight, it is just uncomfortable.  Tonight, as I have just polished off a bottle of red wine in celebration of who knows what, I direct my thoughts to those that suffer from tight underwear.  Yes, it is not something anyone wants to address in main stream blogs, thus I have taken on the endeavor for the benefit of humanity.  Woe to the individual that suffers from tight underwear!  Woe!  They endure so much which goes by unmentioned by so many.  Poor suffering souls they are, and how they must envy those of us that so not wear any!  I prefer to go naked, but when I have to, I wear underwear that fits!  Especially ones with room for my luggage, if you know what I mean.  But those that suffer from tight underwear, I am sure, feel a longing for release from their bitter entrapment.  I recommend scissors, but some may also consider a good ol’ yank and rip!  However, if tight underwear is your thing, and you enjoy the constriction, carry on.  I will admire you from afar.  Good luck.

The closet pain and discomfort that accompanies tight underwear is an unbearable sad existence.


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