Tag Archives: Unity

Can You Imagine Life Not Being Grumpy?

Stay grumpy! Live grumpy!

Stay grumpy! Live grumpy!

Can you imagine life not being grumpy?  No way!  Does such a world exist!  I mean, I like being grumpy!  Being grumpy is just downright fun!  What’s life without the occasional Giraffe Grrrrrrr!  You know?  Sure, you say to yourself “Giraffes do not Grrrrr!!!”  On the contrary, we do!  We like being grumpy just like the next guy!

So the best thing you can do for yourself today is to hold on real hard to your grumpiness.  I mean, for whatever reason, do not let anyone make you smile!  Grumpy is fun!  It is as close to being a solid rock as you can get, and who would want something different than that?  So do not let anyone try to change your mind on that and make you smile and laugh today.  Grumpy is its own special ‘Zone’ and don’t tread there baby!

grumpy-iconWhat would life be like without that daily grumpiness?  Who needs light laughter and levity?  So what if laughter makes things easier!  Who said we wanted it easy?  Grumpy is fun all by itself.  Just sit there and repel people from you, growl and Hrummpphh all you want!  It is your right to be a solid rock if you want to be!  Who cares if it shortens your lifespan, and makes you lonely!  Stay in the zone!

For whatever reason today, DO NOT LAUGH!  Stay grumpy!  Peace brothers and sisters of grumpiness!  Here is to you!

Live short! Live Grumpy baby!

Live short! Live Grumpy baby!


Do you have Dain Bramage?

You might be wondering it you have brain damage after you read some of my blog posts.  Some of them may not make sense to you.  Why should it?  I am a giraffe, and I am coming at you from a very high altitude!  Trust me, I see things differently.

You might have brain damage if you think that not being a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front is a safe thing to be.  Did you know that Lions are out there in the world?  Did you know that most giraffes do not fully realize that lions eat giraffes?  They do!  Never trust a lion!

Your best protection against lions is to become a member of the Giraffe Liberation Front on Facebook.  Trust me.  I founded the group several years ago, and at present we have over 1000 members.  In all those years, I have not been eaten by a lion.  So therefore, the group has worked!  Does this make sense?  So what are you waiting for!  Join today!

giraffe tongue 1

Join the Giraffe Liberation Front, and let everyone you know that you have. They will know you do not have dain bramage!  Save yourself!  Unite!

The Beer Belly Jelly Myth

Let’s talk a minute about beer belly jelly.  Some people work their whole lives to create the perfect beer belly, and few admire it.  I often wonder why not.  I mean, don’t they realize the effort that goes into creating such an massive achievement? 

Be proud of your beer belly!

Beer belly jelly is essentially what some could accuse Santa Claus of.  I mean, have you ever taken a good look at Santa?  I cannot for one minute think that it is totally created with milk and cookies.  That is some BS propaganda handed down through the years to hide the true cause, which is Santa’s drinking habits. 

Yes, I am sure he isolates himself at the North Pole for the sole purpose of avoiding detection.  He probably has his own private brewery, and drinks a keg a day.  But why shouldn’t he?  Do some actually feel that would tarnish his image?  Do they even give one moments consideration on how friggin’ cold it is at the North Pole?  Insensitive do-good image conscious wimps if you ask me. 

I think Santa has a drinking problem, and that accounts for not only the beer belly jelly, but the red nose, and all the other red cheeky looks, etc.  I do not have a problem with it, and I really do not care if he goes to rehab or anything like that.  I just hate all the closeted facts. 

Go ahead and show off your beer belly jelly!

 Why must we parade around the ‘Jolly Ol’ Elf’ image, when we know it is the Beer Belly Jelly Bonanza?  Is there some sort of stigma on the subject of beer belly jelly?  Does everyone need to be a fashion model? 

So if someone strays from that damn ideal, and ventures into beer belly land, that we are supposed to regard them with contempt? 

What the hell is this world coming to?  I say, if you have beer belly jelly, then you should flaunt it if you wish, and so should Santa!

Beer belly carriers are achievers of a long hard won effort, and is somewhat symbolic of freedom!  Kicking back and relaxing and building up that beer belly jelly is not easy!  Some could say they work as hard on it as the model who exercises all the time! 

So if you see someone romping around trying to hide or suppress their beer belly jelly, take a moment and talk to them for me.  Tell them that it is okay to modify their clothes to promote their grand accomplishment!  Make them know that they should be recognized for all that they do! 

Consider all the people they employ who manufacture beer!  If they stopped drinking, who knows how many jobs would be lost!  So if you have a beer belly, and it is filled with jelly, go forth and wiggle it and show the world that you are proud! 

Why should Santa have to hide his drinking? Are we so selfish?

What is Naked Reticulation?

Many people may be asking themselves: What is Naked Reticulation?  Well, let’s first start by defining ‘Reticulation’.  Reticulation according to Webster’s Dictionary is “A network of web-like pattern” or “An arrangement resembling a net or network”. 

Naked Reticulation is Unity

The pattern of a Giraffe is often referred to as ‘Reticulation’.  However, to us in the Giraffe Liberation Front, ‘Reticulation’ has a dual meaning.  It is our network of friends criss-crossing across the globe, always looking out for each other.  It is a symbolic word of our brotherhood. 

So when one talks about ‘Naked Reticulation’ it is more than just taking your clothes off.  It is showing to all the world that you are connected, and a member of our brotherhood exposed to the world.  We hold parties everytime our group on Facebook reaches another 100 members, and we encourage members to go out for one day or sometimes several days in a row and celebrate our unity in reticulation. 

It is really about ‘letting out your inner Giraffe’ or on a more broader sense ‘Bearing to all that you are proud of your relationship with the international network of free beings’.  Our membership consists of all kinds of people and animals from across the world.  We do not deny membership unless you are a lion, hyena, crocodile or zookeeper.

We celebrate our brotherhood.


Of course a greater percentage of our members are Giraffes, but we have ambassadorships for all our members species whenever there is a need.  So when someone sends you an invitation to join us in celebration of ‘Naked Reticulation’, we are asking you to do more than just take your clothes off (which many members do). 

We are asking you to remember and celebrate our network and friendship, and take a moment and say ‘Cheers’ to all your friends worldwide.  That is what Naked Reticulation is all about.  Here ends the lesson.

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