Tag Archives: Wet Spots

Sharting is such Sweet Sorrow…

Have you ever sharted?  You know, that sudden surprise when you thought you were just lifting the old cheek off the church pew for the dry reverberation and ‘UH OH!’ you discover a little or a lot more happened than you expected?  We are talking about the hither-to-known ‘Wet Fart’ that has gain the popular name of ‘Shart’.  This sandwich of two words ‘Sh*t’ and ‘Fart’ form this new word ‘Shart’.  Get it?

Now back to the inquiry… Have you ever sharted?  I’ll bet you have.  Sharting is such sweet sorrow.  You are anticipating

The Shart can sneak up without warning...

The Shart can sneak up without warning…

the ‘sweetness’ of the joy of release, and smacked back with the ‘sorrow’ of smelly wetness.  Sharts happen.  They are unfriendly and sneak up on you.  There is no way to explain it, no way to lessen the discomfort.  However, you can perhaps lesson the embarrassment.

Here are my top five suggestions:

1) Don’t deny it.  Stand up loudly wherever you are and say “I just sharted!!!!”  Sure it will be embarrassing, but people will laugh and then sympathize with you.  (Hopefully)

2) Sneak into a restroom and toss your underwear out, and go ‘commando’ the rest of the day.  Wrap a sweatshirt around your waste and tell everyone you are into the Tom Selleck fashion today.  They might believe you.

3) Take off all of your clothes, and start screaming about bugs, rodents and how hungry you are for human flesh.  People will think you took bath salts and are going cannibal on them.  They will run.  No one will connect you with that shart.

4) Just carry on like nothing happened.  Stay up-wind from everyone, and you have a 20% chance no one will notice.

5) Run out the door of wherever you are at screaming that you have to eat McDonald’s now!  Just be careful no one else follows you who, so try not to be inspirational in this origination.

Those are my top 5 ideas.  Hope it helps.  Sharting is such sweet sorrow…


Santa Pees from his Sleigh… Trust me

You know many people do not want to confront the idea that Santa pees from his sleigh, but trust me, he does.  Is that so shocking?  Did you expect him to stop at every rest stop in every country when he needs to go, while he is delivering to 5 billion

Santa needs to let loose sometimes, and he is in a hurry so he cannot be too slective about where he goes...

houses?  Not hardly.  He is one of the oldest time managers around, and he knows he can save time by letting go right from the sleigh rather than wasting time looking for a pit stop.  Trust me on this one.

However there is little photographic evidence of this, as Santa travels at night and everyone is sleeping, etc.  However, there has been the occasion when Santa needs to let loose around the Christmas tree too.  There are some reported depictions of this from witnesses.

So clear your head of the purity you have regarding Santa.  The man has a bladder, and is getting old.  He needs to let loose now and then, and so what?  Aren’t you glad he is still doing the job every year?

Did you seriously expect him to make 5 Billion deliveries before the wee hours of the morning (forgive the pun) and not have to make the occasional bladder relief stop now and then?

The man is a busy man!  He cannot go hunting for a bathroom!  If he has to go, he goes!  That is all there is to it!  Are you really going to challenge that?  I mean he did leave you presents, and goodies?

Not that I am particularily going to stick up for him entirely, as I think he could be a little more selective about where he goes, and he has black listed me for about 4 years running now.  However, that is beside the point!  I am getting back with him by exposing this important information about him, and his nocturnal behavior!  So deal with it!


Virgin Forever… Yeah Right…

I just had to post this one.  Could not help it.  Some people really think that they will stay a virgin forever, and it is probably true with some people.  There is actually a condition for this. It is commonly called ‘Ugly’.  That translates into many languages as ‘Virgin forever’ including my native tongue Giraffe.

However there is always someone willing to throw a bag over someones head, and well go at it to resolve the condition.  I will let you fill in the graphic details on your own in regards to that.  After all, we are all entitled to our own creepiness.

So what is the point of this blog post?  Well, yesterday I was driving down the road.  (I thing a little giraffe like myself should not do, or so people tell me…)  Anyways, I was driving down the road and I observed the person in front of me having a special license plate that translated to me ‘Virgin Forever’ or so it seemed.

I mean it was written ‘VGN4EVR’ so what the hell else could it mean?  ‘Vegan Forever’ maybe, but I doubt it somehow.  After all, if you look closely, the rear end was smashed in.  So this ‘Virgin‘ or ‘Vegan’ took it in the rear…  the perfect paradox I suppose.

Anyway, here are the photos to prove I am not halucinating:

'Virgin Forever', or 'Vegan Forever'... In either case, they took the meat in the rear didn't they?

Oh, yeah... that looks like a virgin meat lover, doesn't it?

Maybe the driver is really ugly?

 


Big Fish Are the Way to Go

If you are going to fish, then just go at it.  Get a really big fish.  Don’t mess with those little ones.  Go extreme fishing, and yank one out!  Get all hot and sweaty and whip out your fish!  Battling with a fish can be fun.  Watch this:

 


What is Your Wet Spot?

What is your wet spot?

You have heard of the ‘Sweet spot’ when it comes to sports, like baseball for example.  A sweet spot it that exact spot on the bat where when the ball connects with it, it is going over the outfield wall.  However, what about other areas of life?  Do you have something that scares you completely? 

For me, it is the prospect of a monster in my closet when the lights go out

Sometimes you just have to let loose!

 and everything is dark.  Usually this happens after a scary movie.  That is my ‘wet spot’.  What is yours?  Some people it is just life in general gives them a wet spot.  A big one!  Like a beacon!

It could also be the foggyness of life, or just a night after too much fun.  In general, I think a person’s wet spot is a sign that they are not perfect afterall.  I mean, aren’t we all a little socially over the edge these days anyway?

I mean, if you have a wet spot that comes out once in awhile in public, is it really such a big deal?  Should we even take notice?  Some people get a wet spot every year when they find how much they owe the IRS, for example.  Others, when they see what their kids spent at college. 

For others it may be the very prospect or idea of moving away from home.  So in those cases, one could speculate that they like to stay attached to their home wet spot and not venture out in the world to create their own.  Still for many others, there is not reason at all, they just create a wet spot and move on.

What's life without a little wet spot now and then?


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