Tag Archives: Yucky

Vegetables Are Rude

I do not like vegetables.  As a Giraffe, I find them annoying.  I do not consider leaves vegetables, so I eat them.  In general, I consider vegetables to be somewhat rude.  Rude you ask?  Yes, rude.  When you are not looking, the grow in all kinds of erotic shapes, and embarrass you when you go pick them. 

You don’t believe me?  Look at some of these vegetables I grew in my garden last year, before I gave them up:

Like I am supposed to eat that?
Now I can’t eat peppers anymore…
See what I mean? Friggin Rude!

Now you know why I do not like vegetables.  They are rude.  I will eat leaves and ice cream, and pizza… BUT NOT VEGETABLES!!!


When to scratch, when to sniff, and when to wipe…

You know there are things that are hard to learn for some people.  This is a very sensitive subject, but alas it is up to

Going for the deep one in best not done in certain places.

 the Giraffopia blog to shine the light on this. 

DO NOT SCRATCH CERTAIN AREAS IN PUBLIC PEOPLE!  You would think that this little lesson would not be necessary, but it is.  Don’t believe me?  Watch the video at the end of this blog.

Second lesson: IF YOU SCRATCH CERTAIN AREAS, DO NOT SNIFF IT AND BE SURPRISED AT WHAT YOU SMELL!!! You would think that this lesson does not need to be tought either, but it does.  Do not believe me?  Watch the video at the end of this blog and be enlightened. 

Finally, the most important lesson is WIPE!  USE TOILET PAPER! 

Yes. You guessed it. Flies on the bum. No further comment.

 Don’t think that you can fool someone by going NATURAL!  Flies do not care about fashion! 

Another hint: FLIES ON YOUR BUM ARE NOT FASHIONABLE!  Did anyone really learn anthing from this lesson today? 

This is in part intended to be an educational blog, but alas, I feel that the message will fall on deaf ears.  One needs to know when to scratch, when to sniff and when to wipe.  That is the lesson of life.  Here ends the lesson.

One can only wonder what those that do not know these lessons think.  Do they think that no one will notice?  That those people sniffing in mortified curiousity in their presence is merely that they have a cold coming on? 

Are they that daft?  Are we to suspect that those that observe the smells and odd behavior are willing to over look it because it is just so truly unbelieveable?  I must admit, I have to wonder at the lack of grace.  One could not call it very ‘social’ or ‘charming’ to say the least, but what really goes on in their head?  Perhaps we will never know…

Yucky Foods You Do Not Want to Eat

I do not proclaim to be an expert on food, but I can tell you there are defintely some yucky foods you do not want to eat.  Some people really have no concept of taste, and presentation with food.  They think they do.  That is the problem.  They think they do

Yucky food is all around us, and people that make this do not think it is yucky.

Have you ever been to someones house and been asked to stay for dinner?  As the international leader of the Giraffe Liberation Front, it happens to me all the time.  Some times I get served good food, and some times I get served yucky food

By the way I use the term ‘Yucky’ to describe ‘Bad or gross’ things.  When food it ‘yucky’ it is definitely gross.  Now that we have that cleared up, let’s ponder the question: “What do you do when someone tries to serve you yucky food?” 

For example, you go to someones house, and they come out of

Nothing describes this but 'Yucky'.

 the kitchen with a big smile on their face and plop down a tray or dish of one of these foods I have pictured here.  What is the proper response?  Well I can offer some advice on this.  For one, begging off with politeness does

Like the donut and cream cheese make up for the scorpion smooshed into it?

not work.  It only insults the host.  Saying you are suddenly feeling ill, does not work very well either, and can even be a deeper insult. 

So what do I recommend?  Brace yourself for this one: SCREAM!  Yes, scream loudly!  Throw your hands up in the air, and scream.  Pee your pants noticably and then start moaning, and rummaging through their garbage can.  If you can, knock over the table, and slam into a few walls. 

They will suddenly have their attention drawn from the food, and assume you are mentally unstable, and request that you leave.  They will not draw any connection to the food being yucky, and you will not have embarrassed them.  Works every time. 

So, keep that in mind the next time someone serves you yucky food.  Good luck!

I am sorry, but to me 'Dead Mouse' bread is yucky. Don't try to talk to me about flavoring and 'trying a local culinary cuisine'. It's YUCKY!

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